Who’s with me? Isn’t “I Know You Are But What Am I?” indubitably the single most profound verbal bitch-slap ever to use against anyone who calls you a name?
Childish? Probably. But a total zinger nonetheless.
Just remember: I have a brother who’s two years older than I am. And when we were little, there were times I thought he was a total poop head.
Anyhow, I’m sure you’re wondering how the Best. Comeback. Ever. pertains to this post.
Let me begin by noting that exciting things are afoot for my writing, and I’m eager to bring you all up to speed on my plans for the future. Soon.
But until then, I have a desire – a need, really – nay, a compulsion — to turn the spotlight onto YOU.
You all know who I am: The chick whose marriage ended with a brick; the top Google search result for “Shit Divorce.” Archenemy of The Fucking Universe; The girl with the penis tiara (Stieg Larsson and I are already in serious talks, but I won’t sell him the rights until he signs Daniel Craig for the lead role. Because he’s yummy).
Now, however, I need to know a little more about who you are.
You may or may not have read somewhere on my blog that I have something like 75 squillion-umptillion readers. Give or take. And that’s just an estimate.
And in case you’re wondering, a “squillion-umptillion” roughly translates to 0.00345998. Which means, if you do the math, I have 2.594985 readers. (Hi Marge and Harry! How’s the bun in the oven coming along?)
But I digress.
What is relevant here is that I absolutely want to know you better.
I mean, if I don’t know you (and I’m definitely not talking in the Biblical sense, as “knowing” 72 squillion-umptillion might be totally creepy), how can I write the kind of compelling shit you crave?
(Stop laughing. Seriously…stop.)
So, here’s the favor:
Please, dear readers, kindly post a simple little comment in response to this post. It doesn’t matter if you’re a new reader, someone who’s just perusing or a reader from the very beginning, the thankfully bygone era of my ex and the lawsuit to stop my blog — I’m hoping to hear from everyone.
And hey, when’s the last time you got to do something that brings back cherished Mad Lib memories? Right?
If you’re willing to play along, please fill in the following blanks:
- Hi! (…or G’day, Cheerio, Ahoy Matey, おはよう – whatever works for you). I am (name you prefer to be called in this venue) and I am a (your day job) from (name of city/country/cave you call home).
- I like it most when Mikalee writes about __________. (If you’re a new reader, feel free to ignore this one…)
- (If you’re a blogger:) I blog about (topic) and here’s my link: ___________.
- Anything else you’re dying for us all to know? (Boxers or briefs? Celebrity crush? Person you wish you could knee in the ‘nads…just once? Just some ideas for you – or you can skip this one altogether…)
Oh…one more thing: If you’re a “Facebooker” and feel so inclined, would you possibly “Like” my “Mikalee Byerman, Writer Chick” page on Facebook? (yeah, I know: lots o’ “air quotes” in that-there last sentence…)
I post there a few times a week, mostly just silly stuff and blog topics I’m mulling over and bat-shit crazy observations, yet I’m digging the interaction we’ve already got going on – and that way I get to know you EVEN BETTER! It’s a total win-win!
I mean, where else could you see the dead squirrel AND the penis tiara, all in one convenient location?
(To join the conversation, click the picture above to link to Facebook,
or you can find the “Like Me on Facebook” link below this post…)
Thanks, friends. More to come soon. Very, very soon. Sooner than soon. Sooner than you can imagine “sooner than soon” would even be.
Seriously: Take a moment, relax, breathe deeply, and imagine “sooner than soon” for me.
Ha! Sooner than that, silly reader…