I Spy with My Little Eye…a Blog Stalker?!?!

I see you. Seriously. I see you. Stop looking at me like that.

Hey everybody … it’s time to play “I’m not a doctor, I just play one on Mikalee’s blog!”

(Cue wild applause, a Tic Tac Dough-esque dragon chomping across the screen and lighting reminiscent of best-game-show-in-history Press Your Luck. Hey, don’t judge: that show totally rocked with its “Big Bucks. No Whammies. Stop!” action.)

Today’s episode has us contemplating four diagnoses for our soon-to-be-revealed patient. For your consideration:

Diagnosis #1: Creeper. A person who does weird things, like stares at you while you sleep, or looks at you for hours through a window. Usually a close friend or relative.
(Urban Dictionary, 2010)

Diagnosis #2: Narcissistic personality disorder. A condition in which people have an inflated sense of self-importance and an extreme preoccupation with themselves. A person with narcissistic personality disorder may:

  1. Take advantage of other people to achieve his or her own goals;
  2. Have excessive feelings of self-importance;
  3. Exaggerate achievements and talents;
  4. Be preoccupied with fantasies of success, power, beauty, intelligence, or ideal love;
  5. Need constant attention and admiration;
  6. Disregard the feelings of others, and have little ability to feel empathy;
  7. Have obsessive self-interest and pursue mainly selfish goals.

(excerpted from National Center for Biotechnology Information, U.S. National Library of Medicine)

Diagnosis #3: Crazy. Mad, insane; passionately preoccupied: obsessed.
(2011 Merriam-Webster, Incorporated)

Diagnosis #4: Creepy Stalker. A pathological follower and tab-keeper of another person; a scary-looking person who removes the stalks of plants; a scary-looking person who removes the stalks of plants while following and keeping tabs on another person.
(Mikalee Byerman, 2011)

What’s the background of said patient, you ask? But of course…but first, indulge me in some context, por favor.

So at the outset, I’m a total humanitarian. You’re all welcome, in advance.

You see, as part of my reinvention, I’ve become a wee-bit interested in the idea of knowing as much about myself as possible and REALLY trying to be aware of others’ reactions to me. Obviously, I was completely oblivious to these realities in my 1.0 version, what with the husband who pretended to be my best friend day in/out, who dated me for three years pre-marriage, who stayed happily married to me for over a decade…and then decided the woman of his dreams was his ex-girlfriend, as she clearly had been all along.

Oh yeah, and now in the aftermath, it’s obvious that I somehow manipulated him into 13 years of “alleged” happiness. I’m such a bitch.

Should I have seen the signs? I wish. But as I’ve illustrated, there clearly weren’t any.

The thing is, I’d take responsibility for the demise of my marriage and my lack of self-awareness if my then-husband had – oh, I don’t know – shared any of his feelings with me. Seriously. This is an aspect of my post-divorce life that I’ve had to come to terms with: Given his lack of honesty, my primary responsibility in the end is to acknowledge my own naivete in trusting his words/expressions/cues/affection.

I used to beat myself up constantly wishing I had only known, but at the time there was nothing to know.

So anyhow, post-divorce, I’m a little more vigilant about how people react to me, and vulnerability makes me Super-Glue-stuck-to-fingers crazy. Yet one way I’ve totally exposed myself in my 2.0 version – like stark-nudey-naked-bare-assed exposed – is through this blog.

And for those of you who are bloggers, you know what I mean: There’s this way creepy thing called a “comment,” which, when it appears, can inspire some sideways squinting and breath-holding until you realize — phew! — it’s a friendly one.

Not a hater. And not a freaky deaky dude inquiring about how exceptionally soft and supple your feet and legs might be.

Over the course of my six months of blogging, I’ve received about five negative “hater” comments on this blog. But the strange thing is: These comments all seemed oddly alike. All were from “girls” whose names adorably ended in “ee” sounds (Kelly, Sally, Dee, Happy and Kathy … only Dopey and Sleepy seem to be missing) – yet despite these five disparate identities, three were from the same IP address, while two were from another.

And all sounded eerily like…well, something Marilyn might say. (For those of you new to the blog, Marilyn is the silly little pseudonym a friend of mine created for my ex’s once-high-school-girlfriend, now new wife. More context can be found here.)

Hmmm…

Here’s something you may not know about me: I’m vigilant. Which means I do my homework. You probably know that every time someone leaves a comment, you see their IP address, right? But did you know you can use the Internet to check an approximate latitude and longitude for that IP address? Furthermore, did you know that IP addresses are oftentimes buried in a sender’s email, so if you’ve ever received an email from someone who has left you a comment, there’s a way to cross-reference them?

And here’s the point at which I become a humanitarian. Because in the course of one hour on the Internet and some super-duper super sleuthing (like the kind Ace Ventura would do – no Perry Mason skills required for this exercise), I developed a tool for all to use.

And now I present to you, Mikalee’s 4-Step Guide to Flushing Out Blog Stalkers ©®™ (FYI, a blog stalker is just like a gob stopper. Just not quite as chewy. Or scrumptious.):

  1. Double click the IP address left with the comment. I had five comments I was checking, with two separate IP addresses – three from one address, two from another.
  2. Go here: http://whatismyipaddress.com/ip; find latitude and longitude of the computer used, which narrows down blog stalker’s general location. Not as creepy as it sounds, as it simply gives you an idea of the region. But you can imagine my surprise as the location of said IP address was kinda my home. Or at least, way close to my home. Until you recall that John and Marilyn live three blocks away, in the first home John and I purchased together…
  3. Using information found here http://aruljohn.com/info/howtofindipaddress/#gmail, cross-reference IP address with emails sent from John/Marilyn’s home account. BINGO! That’s a match for three of them…
  4. For the two that didn’t come from their home computer (come on: Big bucks, no Whammies, STOP!), cross-reference IP address with Marilyn’s place of business. You see, she works at a small office, and given the info discovered at http://whatismyipaddress.com/ip, I did a little creative investigating of the company’s Internet service provider to verify beyond a shadow of a doubt that, indeed, the other IP address was Marilyn’s place of business. (Cue flashing lights and raging cheers from the audience…)

IP stands for "Investigating Psychos," right?

Yip, I think you see where I’m heading here: I’ve trashed five comments in recent months — all documented and verified and proven and corroborated and validated to be from either John/Marilyn’s home or Marilyn’s work.

Seriously. Who does this? Are they on glue or something?

So I’ll bet you’re curious. Would you like to see a few of these comments for yourself? One of them referenced my children, so I’m not sharing that one. But the rest, in their unedited and exactly-as-penned-and-not-posted glory, for your viewing pleasure…

A new comment on the post “How my marriage ended with a brick (And no, that’s not me being cute. Or even symbolic. Literally. With a brick. Seriously…)” is waiting for your approval

http://mikaleebyerman.wordpress.com/2010/08/27/the-brick/

Author : Happy Divorce’

Comment:

Seems to me that you are an angry bitter woman that needs to move on with her life. I truly feel sorry for you that after this long you have not let go and moved. Instead of focusing on your past and creating a blog about it, you should be looking at your future and all the possibilities. By focusing on the past, writing about your ex and his girl, you are not allowing yourself to move on and be happy. If you think you are getting “even”, which based on your statement about two people being terrified I would say you are trying to, you probably should realize that they most likely could care less what you have to say. If your ex didn’t care enough about you and your marriage when you were married I am pretty sure he doesn’t care now. It’s time to let go and move on.

Hahahahaha! Clearly you couldn’t care less what I have to say…which is why you’re leaving me a comment. Oh the irony! And btw, my whole blog is focused on reinvention, post-divorce…you’re the only one stuck in the past, Marilyn. Scouts honor.

A new comment on the post “Is she hot?” is waiting for your approval

http://mikaleebyerman.wordpress.com/2010/09/28/is-she-hot/
Author : Dee

Comment:
While I agree that you have a right to feel that this woman is some how inferior, you do know that when we dislike someone you tend to try to find them ugly even when they are not. That is only natural….however I think you are missing the point here…’Is she hot?” really does not pertain to her face it pertains to her body. Basically people are asking (all be it inappropriately) if you were to stand next to her in a bikini and she in hers, would your ex choose her or you?

Divorce is hard and people almost always want to blame everyone but themselves….maybe it is time to stop blaming and starting searching deep inside yourself instead.

First off: Why thank you, Marilyn, for acknowledging that my face is prettier than yours. Much appreciated! However: Oh. My. God. Are you seriously so insecure that you have to leave me a comment to try to make me insecure about my body?!?! Actually, I should expect nothing less from the woman who has inspired my daughter to ponder “How many grams of fat are in this water bottle?” I truly feel sorry for someone who finds her self-worth rising as her dress size plummets … and I will teach my daughter to value herself more than that.

A new comment on the post “Is she hot?” is waiting for your approval
http://mikaleebyerman.wordpress.com/2010/09/28/is-she-hot/

Author: Sally

Comment:

I am curious….if you came in second to “Marilyn Manson” how pathetic does that make you? I don’t think I would admit losing to “Marilyn Manson”. At least if you said she was hot you would maybe have an excuse.

No excuse needed, thank you very much, as you and I both know exactly why he left me for you — and it has nothing at all to do with my looks or your looks. (And since this is coming from Marilyn, I think this is tacit acknowledgment that the resemblance really is striking…)

A new comment on the post “Didn’t You See the Signs?” is waiting for your approval
http://mikaleebyerman.wordpress.com/2010/11/01/didnt-you-see-the-signs/

Author: Kelly

Comment:

I have been sitting here reading through your blog and I am confused and have a question that I hope you take seriously and really reevaluate yourself a little.

If your marriage was as perfect as you claim and you both were as happy as you say, why on earth would your ex have left you for a woman whom you claim is so hideously ugly, and stupid?

I have seen many relationships end although I have never seen a relationship (affair or not) that one person is solely to blame. From reading through your blog I would have to say it seems like there were a lot of issues but they were not dealt with (if there weren’t I don’t think you would have the issues you are having today). And now you have been left and feel betrayed and feel a huge need to blame and accuse.

I think I would take a step back, stop blaming your ex and Marilyn for everything and consider where you might have gone wrong (at least a little).

I was stuck there too and hatred and bitterness only causes you pain. Until you learn to let go and move on you will continue to battle everything you are battling and more.

Dear, dear Marilyn: I have let go. I have moved on. I am only still dealing with this crap because of my serious concerns as a mother for my children and their health, safety and well being. You are the one who clearly hasn’t let go of your resentment over the 13 years you “think” I stole from you. Well guess what? He gave them to me, free and clear. And he never made me aware of any issues. So if you’d like to blame anyone: BLAME HIM!

Well, there you have it. So now, I redirect you to the diagnoses at the top. What’s your guess?

But wait! I have one more diagnosis, for your consideration:

Borderline personality disorder: a condition in which people have long-term patterns of unstable or turbulent emotions, such as feelings about themselves and others. These inner experiences often cause them to take impulsive actions and have chaotic relationships.

People with BPD are often uncertain about their identity. (emphasis added by me – cuz I can. And cuz you need to pay attention to that part…)

(excerpted from National Center for Biotechnology Information, U.S. National Library of Medicine)

So, Kelly-Kathy-Dee-Happy-Sally-MARILYN: I’m flattered. But please, wake up to how scary this is becoming. Consider:

  1. You took my husband (yours to keep … and thank YOU!).
  2. You try to take my children (through hair cuts that resemble yours, feathers, deeming them “your children” in every blog you write, etc. – but it won’t work, promise…).
  3. You took over my business name (I gave it up years ago, post-divorce. You chose to assume it for your business. Why didn’t you just get your own?)
  4. You live in my old home (that’s gotta be weird…).
  5. You started a blog in response to my blog. You write blog posts in response to my blog posts. You even emulate the style in which I write my blog posts.
  6. You posted my dead grandmother’s meatball recipe and my secret tip to killer banana bread on your blog (did John ever tell you that he learned these from ME?).
  7. You are now espousing that you are a “freelance writer.” I’ve been doing this for 13 years, have a master’s degree in journalism, am published and actually can write. You? Well, never mind…
  8. …and now you’re following my blog, leaving five comments under five separate identities in the all of six months that I’ve been blogging. Which may just make you my #1 Fan. Numero uno. My favorite blog stalker!

Bottom line: Marilyn and John are taking me to court in part to try to stop my blog. Yet she’s using the very medium afforded by this blog as a personal microphone amplifying her very clear insecurities into my psyche. Or at least trying to. But I’m onto you.

And I just have one thing to ask: Hypocrite much?

Yes, friends. You can’t make this shit up. Your thoughts? Are you surprised to learn how easy it is to investigate someone’s IP address? Any experience with blog stalkers? Anyone else find themselves hyper-vigilant about people’s reactions to you, post betrayal?

I’d love to hear your super-sleuthy analysis … as always!

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About Mikalee Byerman

How can a sometimes bitter, definitely jaded, no longer trusting blindsided ex-wife still believe in happy endings? (not that kind of happy endings...sheesh, people...) By channeling her scary internal dialogue through a controversial blog/future book, swearing like a drunken sailor and spending all her spare time focused on helping others people heal. Oh, and wine...lots of good, red wine. Join me as I embrace my next best self (and help you discover yours) with Me 2.0!
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295 Responses to I Spy with My Little Eye…a Blog Stalker?!?!

  1. This is hilarious!! And quite crazy!!! You should give us her blog address to see if there is a response.
    Must admit, have never even thought to be concerned.
    Xx

    • I swear the majority of her blog “readership” is from me as it is … my crazy cool, sleuthy readers who have found the just-right combination of words to bring her blog into focus. Given all that I’ve revealed through this post, I certainly don’t want to send any more her way; whether visitors are there for good reasons or bad, she just sees them as “fans”!

      But I’ll keep you posted…how’s that? ;)

      • cclester says:

        ha ha LIKE! defo keen to join the band of crazy sleuthy readers ;) xx

      • Dana says:

        I was rereading some of your blog posts tonight…and you really hit the nail on the head with this one. Total narcissist. She tries so hard to convince everyone how perfect their ‘love’ is…when I really think she’s trying to convince herself! I’m almost embarrassed for her.

        Anyways not stalking, just enjoying some past blog posts :). My little one starts camp this week, I’m a nervous wreck and I can’t sleep!

        • It must be truly exhausting to have to work so hard to sell to the world something so meaningless…

          I’m so glad you’re able to read and re-read (and still enjoy!), Dana. I hope the first week of camp was a good one — I can relate to such sleep-deprived nervousness. Best of luck (and might I suggest, a Tylenol PM?)…

  2. Lori Dyan says:

    She’s an effing psycho.

    May I suggest altering the comments slightly before approving them. For example: I admire your honesty and bravery in dealing with someone so obviously disturbed and threatened by you, Mikalee. Your husband’s new wife sounds like an effing psycho.
    :-)

    • Love it, Lori…perhaps the latter version will soften the blow just a bit?

      Nah. I’m going with the former and the latter! That just makes good blogging sense.

    • Hana Alireza says:

      OMG this is insane and Lori, that idea is totally genius. ) I haven’t read all the comments yet, I’m sure there is more genius down the page…..
      Mikalee, I think you are awesome and if you weren’t so good at laughing at yourself I would feel bad for saying so, but since you are, I can comfortably tell you that I think your blog is not only moving, educational (!), and sometimes sad, but most of all, it’s hilarious.

      Also…. I’ve been here before…hey, aren’t you a RHH Bschooler?

      • Hana, thank you so much for the comment! Lori’s ideas are typically genius — you should totally check out her blog if you like mine, as we both offer some dry, tongue-in-cheek analysis of real-life crazy.

        BTW, I’m not sure if you’re asking Lori or me if we’re a RHH Bschooler. I’m not … not sure about Lori, though.

        Take care, and I hope to see you around here again!

  3. This is amazing. Thank you so much for making me laugh. Aahhh, poor Marilyn. How embarrassing for her. Would love to check out Marilyn’s blog. Can you reveal this? Would love to have another laugh.

    • You know, she has clearly made herself a public figure by starting a blog in response to my blog, then taking that blog down when I revealed to my readers that she had started this blog for a blog (and I did this without directing links to her blog, I should emphasize), and then starting another blog in which she implicitly and surreptitiously responds to my blogs…

      But I just can’t bring myself to drive any more readers her way. I wouldn’t want to subject you all to that!

      • Spectra says:

        I have just begun to read your blog. So keep that in mind, I have to go through more posts to get information and a broader sense of you and your experiences; but so far, your writing is charged with emotional trauma. I went through this after a lawsuit years ago, paid attention to every detail, all memorized. It took me 8 more years to stop waking up to it everyday, even nightmares. It gave me PTSD, it was so exhausting and destructive…those damn lawyers and their endless freedoms to bash a persons character to achieve their own means…

        One day I woke up and made it a goal to try to live my own life. I could not forgive the horrible cruel actions of so many. That was the problem. But forgiveness is not the same as agreement. Of course I disagree with all the harm I lived: but I began to actively and daily pray for my enemies, most who had probably forgotten about me. It was the only way to leave it in the past and begin to heal. Of course, I moved and didnt have to see or deal with anyone anymore, but you will have constant reminders for a long time.

        I read that when a woman gets “dumped” (awful term) her brain waves actually shift. I believe it. The pain is agonizing. But I had to take my cues for a solution ( I was THAT desperate) from the words of Jesus,( I am not religious!) and pray for my enemies. So I did that. And over time, it really worked. But it took work and time.

        Now I have completely new people who drive me crazy. Some people feel an awesome sense of power hurting others. But I don’t think I agree(at this time) with what I read above, in others comments, that her writing to you makes the woman psycho. Perhaps other things do. But not by telling you to “move on”. The day you move on is when you do not need this blog anymore. But you still need it. Some day, you won’t.

        I also loved my former blog, and only rarely used it to rage against a few tormentors, who then discovered it, and all war broke out. For a moment they registered an “answer blog” with my blogs name (sounds like your situation)…I hated closing out the contents of that blog, mostly helpful in intention…but worse, I hated being stalked. No way I’d let those bitches read my thoughts! I privatized 80% of it and moved on, started a new blog. Still don’t know what the hell I’m doing. But I have glimmers of hope. I won’t let them direct my voice. Guess I’m rattling on because this post touched some deep nerves in me, in a number of lights. A lot of divorced people who are cheated on I know and know of are affected for years and years afterward. It’s all (divorce and infidelity) so very traumatizing for people. Best wishes as you work all of this out, Mikalee. Take the time you need.

        • Wow, Spectra … amazing perspective here. Thank you for sharing a little of your situation and your insights.

          I definitely agree with much of what you say. Yes, for me, this situation is all-consuming, as I am first and foremost a mom with serious concerns about my beautiful, amazing, innocent children. While I have changed and adapted and embraced my new self, I am constantly confronted with the reality that my kids didn’t ask for any of this, and ultimately, I have to continue making huge sacrifices to protect them as much as humanly possible. This, I’m willing to do. But the constant presence of others in my life can be debilitating. And tortuous. And make resources like this blog INVALUABLE!

          One point I will argue, and I say this to anyone who shares this view: I have definitely, completely, entirely moved on — at least as much as I’m able to, given the constraints in my life that tie me to a person who did the unthinkable to me not too many years ago. However, the ramifications of his actions reverberate for me into many areas of my life, and this blog is one opportunity for me to work through that and to share with others as they experience similar situations.

          Betrayal is one discrete component of this giant mosaic. One small, tiny tile that is part of a much bigger picture. And “society” (in general terms, I know…) seems to deem those of us who still feel post-betrayal (and battle leftover demons that we didn’t invite into our lives) as not “over” it. I’m SO over it! But unfortunately, it’s not over. And that sucks, to put it mildly… ;)

          Thank you again for the great comment and the support. I appreciate it all — and I do appreciate the different perspective as well. More than you know!

          • Spectra says:

            WOW! It’s been weeks since I posted, and I will say, I had a few sleepless nights about your situation…oh, where do I start?

            I am very upset about what happened to you…(I was true to my word, and read more of your posts/history)…I do not know how to BE you. I feel, this woman has hi-jacked your life, stolen “you”, or ‘the other you’, that used to be married to this guy. She stole your man, she stole your house, she attempts to steal your children as well…the post about how she put those damn f**king feathers in your daughters hair demonstrates her want of de-…what? De-mothering you?? I hate it.

            You should be in absolute controll of something as simple as your daughters decisions about her hair…let alone another woman interfering..worse yet, the worst of all….the bitch who stole your life!

            Dammit!

            I just do not have an effective solution for you, Mikalee. I wish I had one. But you are still “in it”. You have to live this for a number of years.

            Believe me, the past few weeks, since my comment, I have been reflecting on your situation. It is nuts, really. My heart goes out to you, even though I realize, palms upturned…I cannot help. So sorry – :cry:

            • I have to say: It makes me sad that I may have contributed to your sleeplessness (if only a little) … but I’m so grateful for the support and perspective!

              Indeed, I’m still in this, and I know I will be for the foreseeable future. And that is one of the very reasons I started this blog. To be honest, traditional therapy did little for me (I don’t NEED to know how to breathe. Or how to distract myself. I need to learn how to LIVE through this all!). But sharing thoughts, and seeing I’m not alone, and helping others who are on either side of similar situations has been incredibly healing.

              Thank you so much for your concern, your insights — heck, just for being here! :)

  4. Kathy says:

    Hahahahahahahahaahhahahaha! You are a …wait for it….flippin’ genius! :) Of all of the things you have written about her before, this is by far the most elucidating. In her own words you see every bitter, jealous, insecure feeling oozing through.
    As an “other mother” myself, I know that there is no way to undo years and years of love and memories. Kids have the best BS detectors in the world. I used to cringe at the words…”that’s not how Mom does it” and try to make it so they didn’t have to have things too differently. Now, I’ve learned that it’s okay to have two ways of doing things. Kids pick up on the different rules, styles and expectations really quickly. How convenient that she just wants so much to be you that she is trying to mimic you in so many ways. Unfortunately for her, kids know the difference between real and Memorex.
    Maybe the extreme dieting in just a way to make her more of a cardboard cutout version of you? … Just sayin’

    • Why thank you, Kathy! I’m not sure about “flippin’ genius” … perhaps just “creative, resourceful and aware”?

      You make such an important point about being a step parent: There’s no reason in the world to try to “replace” the bio parent (and as you point out, that could never happen, and it only serves to undermine a relationship that should have its very own special character).

      I’ve said it so many times: I have nothing but admiration and respect for the people who step into step roles and do it with self-respect and a healthy respect for the bio parent. I wish that I could feel confident that my children were in a safe, loving home … as a parent, that’s all you want for your children when they are not able to be with you!

    • Tara Fly says:

      I agree with you, Kathy! Having also been a step-mom, and my husband is a step-dad to my oldest daughter… NOBODY can usurp a child’s parents in this sort of situation. Kids aren’t stupid! And furthermore, it’s just cruel and ethically wrong to undermine parental love.

      The only way to handle divorce and re-marriage successfully is to have respect for the ex as a parent. I know respecting a cheating spouse is difficult, or a woman whom you perceive as having “stolen” your high school sweetheart… but for the sake of the children involved, everyone MUST acknowledge that Mikalee and her ex are the parents of these children, and together, they have the final say.

    • Carla V says:

      Right on about kids being the best BS detectors. Kids don’t deserve to have their love for their mom and their memories questioned or thrown into an adult-made mess.

  5. I like your style Mikalee. You are my hero! I wonder how Marilyn is going to feel about that great big ol’ crack down the middle of her face?

  6. Sayuri says:

    Oh I must honestly say that I believe that Marylin is just a pathetic piece of… you know. Not flowers. I’m just sayin’ (as I am busy;-)) but please keep up your work as a blogger.

    • Thank you kindly. I don’t have any intention to stop blogging — I think there are so many of us out there in similar crazy situations, and I know it’s helpful to learn from others’ methods of “dealing.”

      After all, life is a crazy bowl of … you know. Not flowers!

      I dig that…
      ;)

  7. melissakoski says:

    Thanks for the giggle. The first picture is absolutely priceless. Awesome props!

    I was just contemplating blog stalking last night as I noticed a majority of my readership is coming from one person stumbling across my blog by searching, “Melissa awesome pooper while sleeping” and clicking on my gravatar.
    I personally think I do have an awesome pooper and keep telling myself a long lost love can’t get me off their mind. ha ha ha The timing of your post is perfect.

    I must also note a close friend of mine made up a blog personality to put a pious judgemental bible thumping PTA Mom in her place with appropriate Bible quotes. Since the said friend is an atheiest she needed a different personality to send an effective message that Jesus said judging people is bitchy.

    Good luck with your stalker. And you do have a beautiful face…. I’m sure your body is hot too. (: (and I mean that in a non-stalkerish way)

    • OK, you MUST write a blog post about how people are creeping you with the search terms “Melissa awesome pooper while sleeping.” You just can’t make that shit up!

      Congrats on that designation, by the way. You must be very proud. And you do realize, if you write a post about it, you’ll most likely end up the #1 Google search result for said terms, right? Which means you could totally add it to your resume and stuff. Incentive

      And thank you for the compliment: I know for a fact that I’d much rather have this body that houses a thoughtful, beautiful mind, fully functioning moral compass and caring soul … any day of the week!

  8. annie says:

    you are totally entertaining and i very much enjoy your blog. sorry my name ends with “ee” sound, but if you check out my latitude and longituide you’ll see i’m just a random reader and not a creepy blog stalker …. but i have to ask, and you probably wont tell, but i am DYING to read marilyn’s blog. any hints? please.

    • You guys are so funny…and what’s with all the readers whose names end in the “ee” sound, anyhow?!?! I’m totally seeing a trend that I never saw before this post! How random is that? ;)

  9. lexy3587 says:

    This is the most hilarious thing ever. I’ll admit, at first, I considered logging out and leaving a post as Barbie or Tammy or something… but in the end, I am lazy :P
    It is awesome that you were entirely legitimately able to point to your ‘Ex’s gal’ in more than just a ‘gut feeling that it’s her’ kind of way. Especially since it wasn’t all that hard, so you didn’t have to waste a large amount of time on it. I’m really looking forward to hearing about the awkward denial that I predict coming up soon.

    • Barbie, Tammy, Lexy and Lazy…another few dwarves to add to Snow White’s posse! I love it.

      And yes, the legitimacy of “knowing” was important to me — just to validate my own concerns as well as to shed light on the reality of the situation — not the fictional, made-up version offered by adorably named fake commenters. I know I feel much better as a result of this process, and I thought I should share the love with all of you!

  10. Carol says:

    I think it is YOU that Marilyn wants, not John. She is stalking you with lust and passion. He might be a little surprised by this. Perhaps it is time for a restraining order. Oh, never mind, just keep on blogging – that will work much better. Karma is a bitch, isn’t it.

    • Oooh. Never thought about that angle. Perhaps

      But I must say: Marilyn Manson just doesn’t do it for me. Sorry. ;)

      Indeed, karma is at play here. I’m happy, confident, having fun with my life, only slightly irreversibly harmed by the end of a marriage I fully believed in. She? Well, let’s just say I think it’s clear where her head is at, given these five comments by five different fake women.

      Thank you for stopping by, Carol!

      • Carla V says:

        aahahaa!! I was thinking about that, too. Her behavior is like that of a Lifetime movie I saw years ago where a psycho woman does exactly that to the main character, creepy & icky. But pathetically hilarious and over the top!

  11. Ha. Bloody priceless! Marilyn has some serious issues. Maybe your ex-hubby regrets giving you that brick and Marilyn feels this, her jealously begins. I feel like bitch slapping that Marilyn woman. What a cow! I hope she reads the comments from your followers Mikalee. Great post as always. :)

    • Thanks as always for the comment and support, Jennifer…my readers’ perspectives keep me sane and in touch with reality throughout it all!

      “Serious issues.” Totally

  12. Carrie says:

    LOVE IT!!!! Go get ‘er girl!!!

  13. Heideeeee says:

    I will admit to being a creeper on Marilyn’s blog. I won’t leave a comment though as I am positive it would not be published as other comments from your loyal readers never seem to make the cut. Way to call her out.
    Just a couple comments on her blog/website…she used to have all these links to “other” sites on hers that were all under construction and coming soon (and all about her narcissistic self/life). They are gone. Did reality get the best of her ambition (no one cares)? Also, there were supposed to be these self purported uber cool posts with perspectives from both her and your ex, but nothing has ever materialized. Do you think your ex is starting to realize that the best collaboration with her occurs in the bedroom and that he is embarrassed to participate on her horrid blog? I hope he is enjoying her body. :)

    • Hey Heideeeee: You’re a totally creeeeepeeee creeper! But the first step in healing is admitting you have a problem, so congrats. ;)

      And as I’ve said before, I think my readers are her most loyal “visitors.” I can appreciate the soap-opera-esque interest: Will the leading lady be possessed by the devil? Will an evil, ugly twin appear and seduce the husband? Will Marilyn Manson make a guest appearance? Inquiring minds want to know…

      • Tara Fly says:

        Well, she published the comment I left on her blog… and she even replied to it.
        But she completely (and willfully) missed the point.. I might add. ;)

        It dealt with respecting exes and maintaining communication, as ultimately the parents are jointly responsible for making important decisions (not the step-parents).

        In the personal example I gave her, my ex and I make ALL the rules concerning our daughter, and my husband “the step-father” plays by our rules as well.

        If he has a concern, he takes it to ME, and I take it to my ex.

        Things worked the same way a few years back, when I was a step-mother (in my pervious marriage)…
        I waved hello and good-bye to the girl’s mother and made small-talk with her occasionally. But I never stood in the way of the parenting decisions made between my former husband and his ex-wife.

        Yeah… I know… my relationship history is a bit mangled, but nonetheless: I’ve been there, done that, and threw away the bloody T-shirt.

        • I love that you note how she “willfully” missed the point to your comment — this woman will turn anything around to support her viewpoint. Well, with that few readers/commenters, she needs all the opportunities she can get, I suppose. Plus, there’s always that looming, potential Narcissistic Personality Disorder diagnosis…

          The arrangement you had with ex 1 and ex 2 (it’s like the set-up for an updated Dr. Seuss book!) sounds perfectly reasonable, and if I may be so bold, was probably right in line with the kids’ best interests. It may not be the easiest thing to do, but it’s clearly the best.

          Now I’m off to write the Seuss knock-off. Thanks for the inspiration! ;)

  14. I have had to do the address check/stalker flush more than once – funny in a way – but not ‘fun’ to know that people are that stupid or invasive.

    Right now I am laughing over the legitimate comments you have received.

    You have some neat and quirky blog fans out there and I am glad that Marilin’s stalkerish behavior has not caused you to give up expressing yourself.

    Be well,
    M.L.

    • Oooh. A stalker flush! I may have to begin a partnership with you and trademark that name. That’s way too cool and needs to be packaged and publicized and available on cyber-shelves near you!

      And I do have the best blog fans ever — you included. Thanks for the comment!

  15. Harold says:

    From Haroldie :) You go girl! I agree with every one else. Hey Marylin go live your own life! I think her pot cracked when she lost out at the beginning. Now years later with that crack oozing she is trying to hold it in and can’t. Sounds like she needs therapy. Before her pot goes to pieces.

    • That “oozing crack” is a cringe-worthy image to this woman with very serious texture issues, Haroldie. Thank you! ;)

      Therapy: Now there’s an idea…first step would be to assimilate all of these identities into one. Next step, moving on!

  16. Salmart says:

    Hilarious, shameful, pathetic, humiliating and validating. Yep, all of the above. But heck, she’s got a scrawnbag body. That’s got to count for something. Doesn’t it? That’s obviously all she’s got going for her so she had to ‘squeeze’ it in there. That must be her ‘thing’.

    Not to worry she’ll probably live it down in 10 years or so. But what about John? Can’t imagine he’s sitting smugly right now grinning at Marilyn saying’ Yep we sure showed her!’ Has he got pride & self respect? Will there be a bit of ‘FFS what were you thinking’, going on at that IP address? Will he be suggesting (insisting!) she stop blogging so he doesn’t have to face the smirks snowballing round town, (not to mention the world) as she fuels this very unequal contest?

    Even if he is still smitten with the bag of bones, will these so very public ‘ insecurities’ (to put it nicely) start messing with his head, sooner rather than later? Judging by her classless, juvenile and downright boring blogs & this very damning insight into her psyche, I can’t imagine their evening conversations reach intellectual heights. How long will he suffer her insecurities before looking to greener pastures? Insecure weak dumb women become very tiring for most men, even if they are very very slim!

    You’re busted Marilyn. Can I pass you a spade to dig a skinny wee hole to hide away in?

    • I’m so grateful for my readers: You guys have been making me smile all morning! I really do have brilliant, insightful, amazing virtual friends. Great writers, too. Thank you all…

      I can only imagine the reaction at the “IP address” three blocks from my home. But you know what: I really don’t have the time to care about it. And I love that! I have a full life, and of course I’m all about exposing the crazy that has been inspired in the aftermath of this alarming situation. But they’ve dug their holes (one tiny; one not). Now they get to lie in them. Together. Forever! Yay them!

  17. Good sleuthing Ms Nancy Drew 2.0…and how immature of her. Obviously she either still feels threatened by you…or she’s just got such a boring life that she’s focusing on yours instead.

    • Ha! I was a voracious Nancy Drew reader as a youngin’. Never anticipated that I’d be channeling those lessons 30 years later. Kinda underscores the immaturity of the actions inspiring this return to my childhood, doesn’t it? ;)

  18. O. Leonard says:

    Boy, you sure can’t make this shit up! I wait for your next post because they’re always entertaining, but as you say, sometimes things can get pretty scary.

    I’ve known for a while how easy it is to find out a location of an IP address. People just aren’t aware of how much you can find out about them in cyberspace. She at least had enough “smarts” to change the comment name. Bottom line is I love it. You busted Marilyn. Too funny.

    I made the “mistake” of saying some unkind things about ‘Battlecam.com” on a blog post in February, and you wouldn’t believe some of the comments I had to delete. I thought the post was going viral with over 150 hits in one morning. I have only 7 registered subscribers. Most of the comments called me things that were, I believe, biologically impossible. I saved some of them because I had never heard some of them.

    • Yeah, this one is a bit on the disturbing side, right? And here’s a reflection of my character: I almost felt bad about even posting it! Actually, I did feel bad…just ask Boyfriend Brett. But I’m so tired of the hypocrisy. I mean, they’re suing me to stop the blog, and yet she’s using it as her own personal communication tool to try to insidiously send her crazy thoughts? Ugh.

      And thanks for the head’s up: Must not make comments about Battlecam.com; must not make comments about Battlecam.com. I think I’ll remember after your story. Though I’d love to hear some of the biologically impossible comments — fascinating!

  19. Shawn Griffin says:

    Feathers, go big or go home?

    I used the same philosophy when I got my tattoo! :)

    Speaking of creepers and stalkers, I must apologize but I’m now creeping and stalking you via Twitter too.

    And if you must, you can refer to me as “Shawn-ee” but I won’t f#$%ing answer you.

    Have a great day!

    • Hey Shawnee – thanks for the comment! I guess that means I should probably try to up my game on Twitter — haven’t quite mastered that communication tool quite yet. Now that I have a Twitter creeper/stalker, after all…
      ;)

      • Shawn Griffin says:

        That brings up an interesting question … how many forms of creeper are there?

        Facebook? Check.

        MySpace? Check … I think. Does MySpace still even exist?

        Twitter? Check.

        Tumblr? Check.

        WordPress? Check.

        Random House? Che … say, wait a minute. If you are actually getting ‘published’ and I buy a book, does that still make me a ‘creeper’?

        Wow, that wouldn’t be right.

        Peace.

        • Nope. That just makes you a fan. A PAYING fan at that. And that would make me happy!

          Of course, I don’t necessarily mind the other types of creepers either. As long as there are no boiled bunnies. Or the ex-husband’s-new-wife making veiled insidious comments under multiple identities. That kinda annoys me, too…

  20. Lola says:

    You would think Marilyn would know that you can semi locate IP adresses if she was such a serious “free lance” blogger!

    The biggest thing that bothers me is that she calls your children her own. I grew up with two step parents and never did either one call me their own. They both loved me like their own, but they would never cross a boundary like that.

    What an out of line freak.

    • So true: As I keep saying, there’s a right way…and there’s Marilyn’s way. How difficult is it to include the word “step” before referring to MY son or daughter? That’s totally appropriate — and totally right. Even if she couldn’t care less about me (well, except in the ways she’s trying to assimilate all that is me), that is what is ultimately best for my children.

      Good point about her lack of knowledge. I think she’s a serious “freelance blogger” just like she’s a serious “freelance writer.” In other words, not a whole bunch…

  21. vixter2010 says:

    haha busted as they say! Well done on the detective work, she should be mightly embarrassed and red faced, so mean and pointless. I’d love to be a fly on the wall when she reads this post!

  22. charlywalker says:

    Bravo Snoop-dog!! I believe you have won your case. Jimmy..tell her what’s she ‘s won!….Now if you can elicit any form of a threat from these IP stalkers, you may wind up having Marilyn as your typist….in your Brand New Home purchased by your Ex.

    er..waiver: I am in no way party to this stalking..except by subscribing and laughing..

    • Well thanks for the subscribing and laughing part — and not the stalking! I would never accuse any of my dear readers with such crazy antics; you guys are universally awesome.

  23. Talia says:

    Good work! I have a blog stalker… only I don’t know him. He found me on Twitter then moved to my blog and now sends me creepy emails about how infatuated he is with me. Not so cool. If I mention a boyfriend on Twitter, I get an email from him saying “stop trying to make this a competition when it isn’t one. It shows your lack of character.”

    Well, I’m glad he lives in another state… otherwise… restraining order! That is why I stopped being such a FourSquare lover… creepy dudes who stalk you when you haven’t ever given them any encouragement…

    • Wow. Yuck! I’ve had quite a few odd messages sent through this blog and Facebook, but nothing quite that crazy. Stay safe!

      Yeah, FourSquare always struck me as a stalker’s dream tool. Not to mention, I could see cheating spouses getting in trouble with it, too! But that’s only because I’m bitter and jaded and can foresee such situations — as someone who’s “been there, done that” on the receiving end of that ordeal.

  24. Tessa says:

    From reading this post, it sounds like Marilyn has had a lifetime of experience game playing and trying to make other people feel bad in order to feel some sense of worth. It’s sad, too, because I doubt anyone has ever told her she’s had a pretty face. Even so, it’s no excuse to treat people so meanly. The way she talks reminds me of a “friend” I had in high school, who had a an eating disorder. She was pretty vicious, and needless to say, the friendship didn’t last long. Looking back, her father was pretty inappropriate and a mean alcoholic … the puzzle pieces came together. I have no idea what this is like for you, and please don’t slay me for saying this … but you have already won this battle. That’s clear as day. Maybe consider showing some mercy to a person who, in so many ways, really does not deserve it one bit.

    Sorry you’re going through this – it has to be really, really hard at times.

    You are an inspiration to many.

    • Tessa — you are reading my mind! I just noted with another commenter that there’s a huge part of me that actually feels bad about highlighting all this … but it’s been three years of crazy for me, and I’ll be damned if I have to sit back and just take it any more. Plus, I’m not alone, and I feel like so many people go through similar situations and feel powerless.

      However, there is a line that I will not cross, like linking to her blog, encouraging people to find her, etc. That is not my intention. And truly, I don’t wish these people ill. In fact, they have my kids half the time — so the healthier they are, the better I feel! But again, I’m a little (read: a BUNCH) tired of the hypocrisy.

      Great comment, and I thank you for showing such heart.

  25. John says:

    Here’s another place you can track IP’s: http://www.ip-adress.com/ip_tracer/
    though I think they only let you do one per day.

    I never know what to do with negative comments left on my blog. Part of me feels like some sort of cruel, Orwellian censor when I delete the negative comments. After all, feedback is feedback and if I’m putting myself out there, then I have to accept the bad AND the good. The other part of me realizes that I’m trying to establish a “brand” or something, and expand my readership. Having negative comments only harms my “brand”, as it were.

    Ultimately, I’ve been pleased and surprised because some of my subscribers have given a little smackdown to the negative commenters. It’s just about the most passive-aggressive way to deal with it, but I’ll take it.

    • Passive aggression can be a wonderful thing — on a blog, that is, and totally NOT in real life (disclaimer: the final part of that comment is directed at Boyfriend Brett, who may have just a teensy-weensy bit of a problem with passive aggression. Allegedly. Possibly.)

      Anyhow, I struggle with trashing comments, too, as the act itself flies in the face of the “conversation” I’m trying to inspire through this medium. But these five were at best bizarre and at worst from Marilyn…so I figured I was safe in my decision.

      Thanks for the new tracking link; with any luck, I WON’T have to use it!

  26. Joyce says:

    Oopsie Marilyn! Not as smart as you thought you were, hmmmm? Such a *clever* girl posting all those responses using different names. Well, onward and awkward, Marilyn. :)

  27. Rosbel says:

    I’ve been a follower for a while, but I totally loved this post from beginning to end. Your first picture is just great, a very good shot ;)
    Too bad you have to deal with someone like her, but from everything you tell you seem to be very strong plus you have a great attitude. And about Marilyn, you can’t expect too much of her, can you? You give what you have, and she doesn’t have much…
    Keep writing and being this creative, I enjoy and laugh a lot reading you!!

    • Rosbel … what an amazing comment! Thank you for the compliments and for the perspective when it comes to Marilyn. And I do believe you may just be absolutely, brilliantly, spot-on right.

  28. Jodylynn says:

    Brilliant, my dear Watson, brilliant!

  29. Mary Alice says:

    Holy sheep! Sick, sad ole Marilyn would make me laugh except she has YOUR CHILDREN part of time time. So I’m creeped out for them and for you. She’s trying to replace you totally as if you never existed. How seriously warped is that? I agree that kids have great b.s. detectors and yours will figure it out if they haven’t already done so. Keeping your sense of humor and continuing to live your own real life is the best way to cope and will go a long way to helping them cope, too.

    Go ahead look up my ip, I swear I know no one who looks like whacko Marilyn.

    • Ha, Mary Alice … I truly have no concerns about my dear readers. You are all too awesome to fall into the whacko-watching category (though some of you are desperate to see her work, which I just attribute to curiosity!).

      To be honest, I’m a bit creeped out too. My kids are with her as often as they are with me; therefore, imagine the brainwashing power! But I have to trust that they know the person I am, and that the lessons I’ve instilled are strong. That coupled with open lines of communication, and I think we’re good. For now.

      Thank you for the comment!

  30. cclester says:

    Ha ha ha I can now see why this post has the tag batshit crazy … seriously what is with this woman???? She’s a complete nut job!!!! Arrrghh … I can only begin to imagine how annoying this all is for you … even before she started psycho-posting on your blog :(
    Am now gonna search out her blog and post some comments of my own! what a bitch!!!
    arrgh
    lovely blog though hun, and adding to everyone else’s praise, the photos are great
    Charly xxx (yep I’m another ‘ee’ ) ;) xx

    • Seriously…bat shit crazy, right? I’m so glad to offer this limited glimpse into an “interesting” pysche, to say the very least.

      Thank you for the awesome feedback…from one whose name ends in “ee” to another!

  31. caseykayb says:

    From the comments she leaves, it seems as though she wishes she could be every bit as awesome as you and she feels inferior because she’s just not that cool. She probably knows in the back of her mind that had she been more like you in the first place he would’ve married her first. Now she wants to steal your identity and make you feel horrible about yourself.

    It’s like they always told us about the bullies in middle school, she’s only picking on you because she is insecure about herself. She thinks putting you down makes her better, and she is perhaps afraid that she still really isn’t good enough. Although, she really showed her stupidity if she thought you would never find out it is her…

    ~Casey Kay~

    • Well, just like I did with the bullies in high school, I guess I’m choosing to feel somewhat sorry for what must have inspired all of this. Sure, I have my fair share of insecurities in the aftermath of my crazy blindsiding divorce … but I can’t imagine THIS level of insecurity. Bizarre and sad, to say the least.

      Thanks for offering some perspective…I think you’re spot on!

  32. Tara Fly says:

    Okay… I didn’t mean to inundate your blog comments with so many replies… sheesh! Now who is being a stalker, with a name ending in “a”. ;)

    But this particular post hit home, because I had an ex stalking my website a couple years ago… It was really creeping me out, as I’d just given birth to my son, and was home all day …every day

    The web tracker I had installed to monitor visitor activity showed someone coming from a specific company’s internet server (the employer he worked for), and provided detailed stats of every page he viewed…
    He made numerous visits to my About Me page, where I’d recently published news of “our addition” and my decision to be a stay-at-home mom.

    I finally decided to write a blog post about my web tracking program… titled “I Spy”, highlighting how resourceful StatCounter is, in the hopes that it would scare him off. I didn’t mention his activity in the post, rather I decided to play coy – by showing how I can track my friends’ visits.

    I think the message got through, because activity from that location came to an abrupt halt… unless he just became more careful about leaving a trail. LOL

    A year and a half later, though, with a great deal more confidence in my back pocket… I could care less where he is. ;)

    People really need to realize when they visit blogs and websites, even if they don’t leave a comment, the owner can still track them and discover who they are.
    Cyber stalkers need to get their lives in order… which reminds me, I actually have work to do this afternoon. :P

    Cheers!

    • I’m absolutely amazed at how pervasive this situation is…and you’re right: Given all the info out there about cyberstalking and digital footprints, etc….don’t these people know any better?!?!

      The crazy part is, you wonder if they do — and if it’s sometimes just worth it to them to risk being caught. That truly reveals the depth of such disorders.

      I’m SO glad your situation has resolved. That’s totally creepy and totally NOT ok!

      Stay safe, and since your name ends in “a,” you’re more than welcome to stalk my blog. ;)

  33. It’s easy to see Marilyn’s thinly veiled angst in all this. If she were secure in her marriage to John, what does she have to gain by hurting you and your kids? It sounds like she is a screaming pile of insecurity that is best left ignored. Your adventures with Marilyn remind me how fortunate I am. I’ve not had contact of any kind with my ex- or his wife, (I can’t even remember her name,) his mother, (shudder- she was a psycho from hell) or anyone else in his creepy family in almost 20 years. My ex did not want my son (he was the biological contributor- but nothing else) so I decided I really didn’t want to continue supporting him…long story… which is why I divorced him. To avoid paying back support and/or jail time, he signed off his parental rights. WIN-WIN!!! Although I have to wonder about some of the Dingleberry’s parenting decisions (the BB gun and the Zippo…) I never had to wonder about whether or not he cared. He cared enough to adopt the POMC!

    As to my ex and that lame crowd, I hope I never encounter any of them again.

    Since you can’t avoid Marilyn and completely distance yourself from her like I could with my ex, et al, I wish you all the creativity in the world in keeping her at bay, keeping your kids safe, and yourself sane!

    • Bingo: It’s very evident how insecure she must feel, thus the need to play silly mind games. Immature, silly mind games…that aren’t working, because I’m not 13, and I do have enough smarts to see through her attempts.

      I’m so happy to see that some are able to cut the ties and never be subjected to such antics. Of course, I have the utmost respect for you and how you’ve had to raise your son alone…not easy, even when the father is a dingleberry!

      Thanks for the well wishes. I continue to push forward, ignore as much as possible, ensure that my kids are happy/safe/secure through open communication and stay sane by means of blogging. Thank you for being a huge part of my therapy!

  34. Joseph says:

    I must say, I love your blog. Your biting wit, the way you string your words together – like the laces of a steel toe combat boot. Wonderful stuff, really.

    I can relate to this post. My wife and I set up a blog as a critical review of our wedding photographer, who turned out to be … well, a self-aggrandizing amateur with, for lack of better (non-R-rated) words, poor interpersonal skills. He came on the blog and left the very first comment about how our blog was trash and that he’s moved on from clients such as ourselves.

    Then he began to obsess over every word, enlisted his friends, and they all had a merry time posting hateful and ridiculing comments under a number of different aliases. Using the same super-sleuth skills you mentioned above, we were able to determine who they were and publicly busted their balls. I think they were shocked that we would go to “such lengths”, but it really isn’t difficult, nor does it take very long to do using the wonderful tool known as the internet and a few firing brain cells. The best comments were those saying that they “can’t believe we’d waste so much of our time” on our blog and, similar to Marilyn’s comments, that we should just move on and that we’re dwelling in the past and constant negativity. Let it go and find peace, they told us, as if they really care about our peace of mind … Yeah, okay, as soon as you fess up to your lying ways … But they never would. Eventually we did move on, but only after he hired an attorney to sue us and demanded we take the blog down. I told him to fuggedaboutit.

    Good luck with the ex’s many personalities!

    • Ah, you MUST be a symbol guy…to compare my writing to the laces of a steel toed combat boot is one of the best possible compliments. ;) Thank you!

      Your situation sounds kinda crazy as well. Actually, really crazy. It always amazes me how much time some people appear to devote to people they “couldn’t care less about.” Irony much?

      Thank you for stopping by and commenting, and I appreciate the luck with her personalities. Something tells me I’m going to need it!

  35. Lee says:

    I wonder if Marilyn and my ex’s wife are related?? She stalked me off my personal blog, she stalked me over to my anon blog, she then stalked me over to post divorce chronicles where I got this really neat feature for wordpress called BAN. So, now she stalks no more. Oh, she tried to access my site over 700 times in 2 weeks once. Couldn’t get on once. Such a shame. In fact, I wrote about it on my site. I did exactly what you did. IP addresses show and tell everything. You are not alone. Here are my posts covering this very thing…

    http://www.postdivorcechronicles.com/2011/01/heretics-and-hypocrites/
    http://www.postdivorcechronicles.com/2011/02/registration-required/

    • What a crazy coincidence, Lee. Good to see I’m not alone. And I’ll be looking into BAN!

      Hmmm…700 attempts in 2 weeks. That may be just a little much. Slightly, really. Only a tad…
      ;)

  36. Very humorous take on something that really isn’t all that funny … really more sad and pathetic than anything else.

    I had heard about the IP address tracking thingy, but fortunately have not had the need to use it thus far … I don’t appear to bring out the blogstalker element I guess! It’s sad when someone can’t let something go and feel that they have to resort to juvenile tactics (and pretending to be someone else is truly that) to get their point across. It’s kind of the way folks get really brave when postiing anonymously on message boards — they aren’t afraid to say anything because they know there won’t be any repercussions.

    Anyway, keep fighting the good fight, and keep the sense of humor. I look forward to the blog. And keep wearing the detective get-up :)

    But I will debate you on the merits of Press Your Luck … yeah, the whammies were cool, but when the show was duped by Michael Larson, who came up with a system to beat the board, I stopped watching. I didn’t much care for Peter Tomarken, either. I thought Tic Tac Dough was MUCH better …

    • I will take on the Press Your Luck debate any ol’ day … best game show EVER! I mean, come on: The Whammies. The humor. The giant plunger they used to stop the board. It was all too cool…

      Though I’ll agree that Wink Martindale was far cooler as emcee than Peter Tomarken. But I do have to admit to perhaps having a tiny little crush on the latter. Itty-bitty, really … (she utters while caressing the “Press Your Luck” collector’s lunchbox with Peter’s pic on the back…)

      Thanks for the feedback. I’m glad you can all appreciate the humor in this crazy situation … though I will admit that there are times when I’m just mired in the ick of it all. But you guys help keep me grounded — so thank you for that!

  37. I wouldn’t call myself a stalker… but I once read the sperm-stalkers blog to see WTF she was doing, after Googleling her name. She apparently read a marketing /internet book and pretended (like the narcissist that she is) that she was now an expert in marketing to women and was now the “editor in chief” of a blog that “reached out to women daily”.
    She copied someone else’s article about the chocolate marketing wars. Nestle vs. Mars Inc. campaigns, I think. So I posted a comment to the story that Jennifer Aniston should be hired to do the Bliss campaign and Angie Jolie could do the competitors campaign …as their slogan had something to do with “it isn’t cheating…if no one knows about your “indulgences”.
    As psycho whore obviously checked my IP address and assumed my negative comments about her idol AJ was insulting to her ????… WTF ??? My husband’s lawyer was informed for tell me (with no proof) to stop “damaging” her work product…. with some absurd claim that I was interfering with her ‘earning a living”. WTF ?? She writes a blog asking for comments, so I did and I then get accused of somehow “harassing her” or “stalking her ??

    Anyway, I love your blog……. so keep on exposing that insecure, NPD vampire.
    And remember these women are never satisfied until they can personally destroy you and take everything from you. For them, the war never ends. It’s all about the competition. “Because they think they are so hot and clever..”

    • kadja1 says:

      Hopefully SDW, I hope you tell that byotch and her lawyer to “make your day”. ;-) I would!

    • Wow, we should compare notes: The Sperm-stalker’s blog sounds eerily like Marilyn’s. Now there would be a twist of epic proportions! ;)

      Good advice in your final paragraph, too. I realize this is a long battle I’ll be fighting, even though all I want is to live my life free of the “war” that “never ends.” Any stamina tips out there?

  38. Face it, she only took your husband because she wanted to be you which means taking your identity–copying YOU! While you should feel honored, because clearly she sees in you, what we your faithful readers see: An amazing, independent and fulfilled woman, as well as a professional and highly educated writer. Creepy, though. As if she’s trying to live your life parallel to yours. She was jealous of you and still is. Keep an eye on your boyfriend because I wouldn’t be surprised if she’s coveting him as we speak.

    So she lives in the house you lived in? Are they sleeping in the same bed? That would be justice, in a way, that she has to sleep in what was once your bed. Reno seems to be a rather small town. Perhaps you can get a restraining order?

    • Haha, Monica … I love it. I once had a friend mention “The Hand that Rocks the Cradle” as a similar storyline to my epic tale. Just add a blog and a brick, and the screenplay is practically written.

      And Boyfriend Brett says “thanks” for the warning — and practically was rolling on the floor thinking of it all! Though he has been having that hair-standing-on-the-back-of-your-neck feeling of late…perhaps it’s Marilyn’s creepy gaze and lustful thoughts… ;)

      Yip, they live in my old house. When I wrote this post, Boyfriend Brett wanted me to mention that they’re sleeping in the room in which both of my children were conceived. But I thought that was too heartless. I do have a conscience, after all! ;)

  39. Lynn says:

    I have a Facebook friend I like to call Crazy Facebook Lady. (I call her Crazy for short.). She has a blog where she likes to share her volumes of knowledge that she gets from websites or magazines, much like Marilyn does. I can go to any website and learn how to take care of my allergies. Or better yet, I can go see a freaking doctor! You better get something in writing on any agreement or or hope the court orders that those two yahoos take your kids to the doctor when there is something amiss, rather than do there own diagnosis! I’m just sayin’!

    She’s not original. Just creepy!

    • Ooh…perhaps Crazy Facebook Lady and Marilyn are friends? Stranger things have happened…especially since we’ve all seen how “original” Marilyn is in her ideas — perhaps they are actually originating with “your” Crazy!

      I do love these people who tackle giant, sweeping topics like this and pose as some sort of expert. And their expert status is derived from what, exactly…living life and reading stuff? Awesome.

  40. Jess says:

    Wow. You really can’t make that up! Crazy stuff but very entertaining, as usual. :)

    PS: Thanks for all the info…I had no idea how easy it was to find out someone’s IP address!! Here’s hoping I won’t ever need to use it to track a stalker. :S

  41. markp427 says:

    Dammit. I was going to mention how exceptionally soft and supple your feet and legs must be…but I don’t want to come across as a freaky-deaky dude.

    Heh. Great job outing her…very clever. She must be fuming right about now. And I’ll admit, I’ve been curious to read her, but you’re right…the less traffic she receives, the better.

  42. elenamusic says:

    Wow, amazing. I can’t believe you played detective and found out about all of that.

    It’s all really creepy, this whole situation.

    I wanted to mention, with listening to what others have to say, the best way is to be honest with yourself and with others around you. Also, pick up the book, “How To Stop Worry and Start Living”, not that you’re a worrywart, but there are some choice chapters that talk about how to deal with criticism. How to disregard people that are just jealous, and how to take actual honest feedback.

    And with this creeper… move on. She’s the one stuck in YOUR past. She’s crazy.

    • Great advice — I’ll definitely look into the book, as any resources to help me deal with this crazy situation is completely welcome.

      And I totally agree that Marilyn is clearly stuck in the past, but in response to your suggestion to “move on,” I only want to add: I have moved on as much as possible, but she’s irreversibly entrenched in my life until my kids are 18. Or until the Ex buys a brick for someone else. So as much as I would love to just leave her behind, she is in my life, and I have to accept that. Ugh.

      Thank you for the great comment!

  43. Antara says:

    Oh my god. That woman is trying to even copy your name =)) I just noticed that. Sally, Kelly…Mikalee ;) Poor you… :P My god, other than doing all that crap with your kids (I am a teenager and I would hate it if someone did all that to a kid just because he/she can’t really protest)…anyways other than that, she sure does make things interesting. I mean who knew people like such existed.

  44. Ashley says:

    Freakin’ awesome!!! I recently became aquainted with whatsmyipaddress because of work-related stuff, and I find it amusing that that’s the .com that you choked Marilyn with. It’s even more amusing that she tries so hard to appear unscathed by your blog and your presence even as she desperately “peeps” you. In the end, she’s a cheater who got a cheater. No win if you ask me. I hate that you have to deal with the issues with the children and her trying to own them, so to speak. Be comforted in the knowledge that kids are smart, and eventually they catch on to those tactics. Love your blog Mikalee:)

    • Amazing observations, Ashley … you’re spot on. Hypocritical and yet totally karmic, in a sad, kinda crazy way.

      And you’re absolutely right about the kids. Sadly, they’re already catching on — at the tender ages of 8 and 11. They amaze me with their observations at times. And I just sit there, smugly smiling on the INSIDE yet offering as much outward, non-judgmental support as possible. They are incredible beings, and I am truly blessed!

  45. Mary the OINKteller says:

    I hope she’s as embarrassed as hell – who stalks an ex-wife and leaves pointed comments on the ex-wife’s blog under pseudonyms? Crazy insecure people that’s who. You’re right: you can’t make this stuff up. Thanks for the IP tips!

    • You’re very welcome for the tips — my hope is, you’ll never need them!

      Thank you for the spot-on analysis. I guess I just have to be grateful for the material at this point! Without the crazy, what would I write about? ;)

  46. Patti Kuche says:

    Is it ok to be feeling a smidgen of something, not quite sympathy but I hope you know what I mean, for the man now living with Marilyn, your ex?
    My guess is that he was happy enough to cozy up to memories of the Prom Queen who is now very quickly turning their life together, and taking yours with it, into the psycho world of a Stephen King scenario. Are you going to be there for him when he needs to make his escape? At the risk of making a rash promise, he is going to be wanting out of there one day soon . . .
    Best wishes!

    • I feel compelled to answer your comment “out of turn” (I’m not quite caught up from yesterday, so I’m a bit behind…). But Patti, my answer is an unequivocal “Hell to the NO!”
      ;)

      I have no sympathy for him. I respect him only as the father of my children (and given recent decisions, even that comes into question now and then). He made that bed with her … now they will lie in it. And there’s a part of me that hopes they lie there together FOREVER, because to me, that’s the ultimate punishment!

      Thanks for the laugh this morning — here’s to a GREAT weekend!

      • Patti Kuche says:

        So proud of you!

        Plus, as long as they do stay together, the rest of the world is safe. A little like Elizabeth Hurley and Shane Warne being the perfect couple.

        Stay strong, sane (as is possible) and keep writing!

        And you have a wonderful w/end also!

      • Joyce says:

        I was curious to read your response to Patti’s suggestion of sympathy for John since my immediate reaction was NO! Which brings me to this – people who sit on glass “johns” shouldn’t shit bricks. Sorry, couldn’t resist. ;)

  47. Laura says:

    Oh my goodness! This is the funniest shit I’ve read from you so far. Not funny ha ha but funny queer. Marilyn is a weirdo. And I love that you called her stalking creepy ass out!! I am literally laughing out loud while I forward your blog to all my friends. To you I raise my hands in the air and wave em like I just don’t care! Gooooooooooo TEAM MIKALEE!

    • Totally funny queer, right? I have to admit that there was a part of me that feared the “telling” of this story would not resonate, that it would somehow get lost in the translation. So I’m grateful you guys are all clearly “getting it.” I’ve been mired in this muck for so long, I start losing perspective — so your support is incredibly helpful!

      …and BTW, I have a team? I’m honored. I should make some banners or something and get you all jerseys. That would rock. ;)

  48. beingzhenya says:

    One of my friends went through the same thing, after she split up with her boyfriend, but they were only dating for a year, and the new girl was always checking my friends profile on one of the social networking websites. When she was telling me about it I thought it was creepy, and your situation is beyond creepy, I am really sorry! Don’t let her get to you!

    • Yeah, something tells me this situation is not unique to me — of course, with the pervasiveness of information out there, stalkers can gain access to so much. Truly scary…

      Thanks for the support — totally appreciated!

  49. cassiecares says:

    It takes a certain kind of woman to break up a marriage. She obviously wanted what you have, and she apparently still does! Good for you for being the object of such admiration. Nice post, and remind me to stay off of your bad side!

    • Haha! Really, though, I think you would find that if you encountered me in real life, I’m one of the most agreeable, sweet, truly nice people you’d ever meet. But I’m sorry, after 3.5 years of this…I’m kinda done. Like with a capital D-O-N-E.

      Thank you for the feedback, though. And I’m in total agreement with your first statement, BTW…

  50. MIssKay says:

    Mikalee, I swear you’re an inspiration to my soon uphill facing battle of child custody that will surely ensue with my baby daddy. I don’t look forward to it, but that is my baby and I will be a damned fool if I walked away from him all because dad used me long enough to gain more material possessions than I. But I digress… I am happy that you have the technical knowledge and know-how to protect yourself from such non-sense. Kudos Lady, kudos!

    Lets all join our digital hands and hearts in prayer for “Marilyn.” I would refer to her by her real name but she would probably try to say she is the victim in all this.

    Pray for her to find more time to invest in volunteering with the elderly or children, than behaving like a child on the internet. Pray for her unsettled soul to begin trully making amends and correcting some of the damage she is constantly trying to inflict and the damage that has been done. Pray that her REAL children aren’t inspired by her malicious, immature, seemlingly evil ways and that they grow up to be trully caring and productive individuals whose lives are led because they are living up to their full potential. Pray that she finds some dignity, self-worth, and respect about herself. After all you played second fiddle to a man who was married. However destined it may have seemed at the time, it surely won’t last. We all know karma is a batch of very burned semi-sweet chocolate cookies. Face it sweetheart he is using you too as you are not exempt from being deceived by him either. I’m just going to pray for that woman because no amount of logic is trully going to work with or for her. She is in dire need of a life coach, psychologist, and psychiatrist!

    • Do I hear an “Amen, sista?” Yes, you do … from me. AMEN, sista! Such insightful analysis, Miss Kay…thank you so much.

      I wish you all the luck in the world with your own heartbreaking situation. If I could offer one piece of advice: Trust your gut. The mommy instinct is the strongest thing EVER, and we know instinctively the steps we need to do take in order to create a happy, healthy, amazing life for the incredible souls we’ve delivered to this world.

      It’s a huge responsibility — but it comes with the greatest reward!

      Sending endless good juju your way…

  51. The Hook says:

    What’s wrong with people? The introduction of blogs into the social food chain has really allowed people a new outlet through which to tear at each other.

    • So true. Pretty crazy, the lengths some will go to in order to assuage guilt, or inspire fear, or translate their own brand of crazy into others’ lives…

      Thanks so much for the comment!

  52. MIssKay says:

    Also, just in case she or they decide to provide flack back about her blog-stalking, even if they do decide to get a new IP address, the ISP’s (internet service provider) still has its own so you’re busted and now appear to be more of a stalker, can’t help the custody case with the now wife of the ex being unstable and all now can it :)

  53. A Broom of Her Own says:

    This is hysterical (and great blog-stalking info for the rest of us). Poor delusional Marilyn is a Mikalee-wannabe. Does she have your haircut too? As a casual reader, I find it all very funny. But for you, this is real. I can’t imagine having someone like her around my kids. Scary. Fabulous post. Thanks!

    • Thank you! Yes, she has my children in her care as often as I do, so you can imagine my concerns.

      And it’s funny you mention the hair: suddenly, her hair is longer. And stripey. And a bit darker…

      Hmmm…

  54. Bethany says:

    I should make some profound comment about her creepiness or your ingenuity. But I’m stuck on her use of “all be it” in her second comment. I can’t take anyone seriously who says “all be it” instead of “albeit.” (Kind of like people who write “the scary monster didn’t phase me,” instead of faze) Snobby and catty, sure, but c’mon! A freelance writer should know better!

    • Salmart says:

      All her blogs are equally full of glaring mistakes.But of course SHE can’t see it as she doesn’t know better. As an ex school teacher I just want to ‘mark’ them with yellow highlight felt pen striking through all the errors. (I’d need sunglasses.)

      But what’s more comical (or is it tragic?) is the content in one of her comments above, namely :

      ‘Basically people are asking, if you were to stand next to her in a bikini and she in hers, would your ex choose her or you?

      Thanks for moving it to a ‘basic’ level Marilyn. Is that what WE people are asking??? I can’t remember wondering or asking that. (Says a lot for your ex, Mikalee, if he picks partners on who looks best in a bikini!! )

      My take on the post was that one would assume the the trade-in was going to be prettier/smarter/younger/sassier/can use albeit properlier/ and just really, well, ‘hotter’. But so often they swap to someone ‘needy’ & ‘weak’ and that takes the pressure off them having to perform and succeed which men find increasingly difficult as they go through a mid life crisis. It certainly was the case in my story and quite a few replies to that blog talked the same talk. (That’s what’s so great about this blog, the insights, the togetherness & sharing.)

      But thanks for letting Mikalee know she was ‘missing the point’ here Marilyn. Talk about ‘missing the point’!!!!

      • Salmart: May I adopt you and just take you everywhere I go so that I can benefit from your constant interesting perspective and right-on-the-mark analysis? Seriously … you always make me smile!

        As a former newspaper/magazine editor, I’m SO with you on wanting to edit her work. Both from a grammar AND content perspective.

        But I was totally grateful for her insightful analysis about the “Is she hot” question. Like you (and so many of my readers, clearly — as well as the rest of the world, I’m guessing…), I never knew this. Thank heaven she decided to weigh in on such a weighty issue. I feel better off for her selfless, mature and spot-on assessment.
        ;)

      • Someone Who Understands says:

        I read somewhere that when someone has an affair, they look for a partner that can give them whatever it is they feel is missing in their life. If they want sex, they find someone who will give it to them without really considering who or what that person is. If they lack mothering, they look for that. Ditto for a father figure, money, someone to tell them they are always right, etc.

        I thought that was so interesting and really explains why so many people seem to ‘trade down’ when they have an affair.

        • I think many of us have experienced this first hand. At first, it’s almost offensive: “He left me for that?” But then, with healing comes the comforting realization: “Oh, he left me for that…” Makes perfect sense, in hindsight…

          • Someone Who Understands says:

            Heh! That is what I tell myself. He *really* traded down. I do not say that in a conceited sort of way. When I share the photo of who he left me for, people say that their breath was taken from them… and not in a good way!

            I tell myself that the one good thing is that I do not have to wake up looking at her every day and dealing with all her baggage. I can choose someone new who will be all that I thought the ex was *plus* all that he never was and could never be for me. :)

    • Ah, but Marilyn would be totally unphased by her funny all be it totally stupid grammar errors.
      ;)

      (Guess I’m joining the snobby and catty smack-down…thanks for the inspiration!)

  55. Carla V says:

    Clicked on your blog from the comment you left on that Crayola-hipster post on another blog featured on Freshly Pressed, and wow! You’re funny, intelligent, and yes it does indeed seem to me like “Marilyn” is the kind of pathetic woman that I unfortunately run into way too often. The type that is a throw-back to the fifties — every woman is her “competition” and she is never good enough without a man at her side, no matter how raggedy ass said man may be both in personality, character, and often looks, too. And as a commenter before me said, these zero-self-esteem cardboard cut-out women have only one talent: copying and pasting. Oh — and living vicariously through the purported “conquests of Angelian Jolie and/or Elizabeth Taylor. Anyhey, rock on :)

    • What an amazing description — from the fifties throw-back to the cardboard cut-out to copying and pasting. I love it ALL!

      Thank you so much for stopping by, and I’m happy to have you adding your insights. The more, the merrier!

  56. Carla V says:

    P.S. — In case “Marilyn” is wondering if we’re all “just jealous” women whose men went to hotter & womanlier vamps such as her (right): My fiancé’s ex-wife is a Marilyn but sort of in reverse. His ex left HIM for his ex-step-brother who had just been released from prison and was living in their house for free and turning down every job lead/interview that my fiancé managed to forward him from his business connections. Anyway, long story short, his ex-step-brother and his ex-wife started were busy screwing behind his back, my fiancé found out, separated and divorced, fought for and won custody of his kids, all the while his ex and ex-step bro cultivated a costly methamphetamine habit, which has cost them their last rental and now they all live rather unhappily in my fiancé’s ex-in-laws garage. Serves all those grifters right, but most of all, serves his ex-wife her karma the best: from what I have gathered from her drama the last two years, she is every much like Marilyn. She appears dead and zombie-like unless she’s feeling wanted by her tweakeer man and/or cheating with her own sister’s also waste-of-space husband. Yep — she’s banging her cross-eyed sister’s hub now. But enough of this dissertation, and lastly — GIRL you are CUTE! THAT is the best revenge, along with keen wit & writing chops!

    • …um, wow. Just WOW. It’s amazing these situations actually happen in real life — you always think they’re just the stuff of made-for-Lifetime-TV movies!

      Sounds like your fiance is one lucky guy to be rid of that influence. I wish you all continued healing in your own bat-shit crazy ordeal. Ugh…

      And thank you so much for the compliments. I’ll take my average American soccer mom looks, positive outlook on life, good sense of humor and writing skills any day over the insecurity and jealousy Marilyn clearly feels. ANY day…

  57. Carla V says:

    ugh, pardon my typos/mis-wordings, LOL! & good night from the Palm Springs area!

  58. crustabakes says:

    This is my first time to your blog and while i am sorry for all the mess that you’ve been through, i must compliment on how quirky and funny u write! And congratulations on the great spy work! :)

  59. Great post. Commenters seem to be properly trained. I am a little afraid so I limit my comment to : It is 80 degrees today in Miami.

    • Haha! No training required, just a lot of good humor and endless support from the best blogging community EVER. IMHO…

      Thank you for stopping by, even though I hate you for your weather report. No one likes a bragger. ;)

  60. I know someone has commented on this but… “All be it”?! Oy vey gevalt.

  61. kadja1 says:

    OMG I love this one! However, I’d have posted THIS after using her responses under different names to show a pattern of instability on her part to the judge–but I gotta admit! This is funny as hell! I would think that if your ex is dumb enough to try to use YOUR blog posts to point anything valid out, that he wouldn’t be so dumb NOT to realize that his current squeeze is undermining his efforts by stalking you on it.

    This is getting better by the minute! Let her hang herself. The more rope you give her, the closer she’ll get to kicking the stool out from under her own feet. Hang in there…You’ll make it.

    • Yip…she can’t seem to get out of her own way. My ex takes me to court in part to stop my blog, yet she’s using it as her personal communication tool. Gotta love the hypocrisy there.

      Thanks for the support. Less than one week to go before the court date … a finish line is in sight! Sadly, it’s only one of many, given my connection to these people for the next decade. Ugh.

  62. kadja1 says:

    Hi again…I did some reading on this parallel parenting thing…NOWHERE does it discuss calling the step parent or significant other the “other mother” or “other father” in anything I’ve read and it is only supposed to be used when the two parents are so hostile toward each other that it is better to disengage.

    Interestingly enough, it seems to be “fathers rights” groups that push for this more because they feel their rights are threatened from what I understand because most of the articles have headings like “The Psycho Ex Wife” so you might want to get your attorney to check these things out also–as well as to why the mediator refers to Ms. Manson as “the other mother” when it doesn’t seem to espouse that at all. If they can prove that this is something used based on biased research when co-parenting has been proven to have worked the best (with the steps and significant others minding their own business so as not to confuse the children) for years, I think the mediator might walk away like a dog with a tail between it’s legs.

    Here is where I started at, but if you check it out, you’ll see what I mean:

    http://www.thepsychoexwife.com/parallel-parenting-how-it-evolves-implementation/

    All I can say is that most links I checked seem to be written or administered by whacked father’s rights groups. It’s definitely something to put your lawyer to work on and he can find out if your ex joined any of the radical groups on that subject.

    • Wow — thank you so much for doing some research on the topic. I really appreciate the help, advice, perspective, tips…anything!

      Like you, I did some browsing around and found similar results. While parallel parenting is one “tactic,” it’s only one of many, and given the mediator is not a professional therapist, I truly believe he overstepped his bounds trying to label our relationship. A relationship with incredible amounts of background and context. That he never even bothered to read a single word about!

      Funny that you found the “psychoexwife” blog. I did, too…and who just happened to leave a comment on one of the posts? Why Marilyn, of course…
      ;)

      And just to clarify: The mediator did not call Marilyn the “other mother.” I was making a connection between the movie Coraline and some of the crazy stuff in my life. Sorry if that led to confusion.

      Thanks again for clearly reflecting an investment in my situation — I’m so grateful for your support!

    • Mister-M says:

      While this did garner a chuckle out of me, I’m the furthest thing from a “whacked out father’s rights” guy.

      Parallel Parenting has worked INCREDIBLY well for me for the better part of the last 7-years, despite the unrelenting chaos that is continued to be rained down upon us by my psycho ex.

      Taking care of the things that are within your ability to manage or control and letting go of the things that you can’t – is very liberating. Relegating communication with your high-conflict ex-spouse to only what is absolutely necessary and is child-centered, child-focused – is hardly a “whacked out” concept.

      It is a level of discipline that limits your participation in escalating things unnecessarily.

      It is a form of post-divorce parenting that is widely recognized by a great many experts in the field of psychology, divorce, sociology and is an effective alternative when one or both parents are high-conflict types.

      • I’m so glad you’ve stopped by to offer some perspective, Mister-M!

        While I can recognize that parallel parenting is a tactic that may work in some situations, I do not think that a mediator who had no interest in reading a single word of communication in a complicated court case — our first time in front of a judge — did any service to the children (and inherently his very job) by recommending this as an option. In my opinion (and this is shared by many psychology, divorce and sociology experts), this type of parenting should be exercised only as a last-ditch effort when conflict is too high to engage. Because ultimately, it’s a parenting style that does what’s best for the parents — but not necessarily for the children.

        The children are the ones who suffer, because they’re the ones jumping from one home to another, homes often characterized by very different values and rules, having to seamlessly transition along the way. The parents get the ability to disengage … the children, however, are thrown into the fray unprotected.

        Being a parent is a choice we made together, and while I recognize that our marital union has dissolved, the connection we share as parents is permanent. My goal along the way was always to respect his contribution to my children’s lives and very existence — but he clearly didn’t share this opinion, which was reflected time and again in his actions and the actions of his wife in the days following my divorce. This was his choice to make. However, I also have the ability after three years of sitting back and trying to take the high road to process through the entire situation, share my perspective and help others through similar circumstances. He has decided to point to this activity as evidence that I am not respecting him, but clearly, his actions of inherent disrespect inspired it all. It’s maddening, to say the least.

        Anyhow, I only wish we could move forward as business partners of sorts, attempting to work together when necessary to successfully grow our interests (these incredible children). We’ll have to see where it goes from here.

        Again: Thanks for stopping by!

  63. Dana says:

    lol I’m so curious to read her blog, I was even googling ‘killer banana bread and meatball recipe’. I feel bad for your kids, having to spend so much time with his nut! You look fabulous in your picture by the way, no wonder Marilyn is jealous!

    • Aw shucks…thank you! :)

      You guys are all too funny. There is a certain train-wreck quality to this whole situation, isn’t there — you just can’t help but be curious.

      And I’ll bet you were pretty damn close to finding her with those search terms. Just sayin’…

  64. Salmart says:

    Do you think this is a Freudian slip, the bit where she says they COULD care less in stead of couldn’t??

    She says…. ‘ If you think you are getting “even”, which based on your statement about two people being terrified I would say you are trying to, you probably should realize that they most likely could care less what you have to say. If your ex didn’t care enough about you and your marriage when you were married I am pretty sure he doesn’t care now.

    Sure looks to me that they sure do care less! Plus a little embarrassing for Marilyn now she’s busted with her claim that John didn’t care enough about you or the marriage when you were married’. Not quite what the over-the-top love notes said!! Looked like he cared a whole heap. He’s either a con man liar then or maybe just swaps allegiances very very quickly. No wonder she’s insecure. Tick tick tick… Good catch Marilyn!

    • TOTAL Freudian slip. I was going to highlight that in my response, but I wasn’t sure how many people would understand it … people say, “I could care less” (incorrectly) almost as often as they correctly say “I couldn’t care less.”

      That one makes me cringe. Because when you say the wrong one, you actually are saying the exact opposite of what you probably intend…

      Unless you’re Marilyn, and your guilty conscience is seeping/oozing through your poorly chosen words. ;)

  65. ridleymocki says:

    What I would like to know is how she could be so naive as to think that an she couldn’t be found out? With the right know-how and a little experience, its easy to find people in this wondrous community we know as the World Wide Web. How silly of her, putting it lightly.

    But my diagnosis?
    SERIOUS SELF-ESTEEM ISSUES + A MAJOR GUILT COMPLEX,
    Think about it, if she was SO secure in herself and truly believed she was correct in her actions, she wouldn’t be even tempted to comment on your posts. But, as it is, she does comment. And I attribute it to her having serious issues with herself, so much so that she is sensitive to any criticism, and lashes out. Also, she knows that what she has done, eg: being an illicit mistress and ten the various issues with YOUR children, all those things, were completely wrong and immoral. She KNOWS this, and in knowing it is even more sensitive when others recognise this. There must be some sort of inner, hidden guilt that she might not even be aware of, that forces her to defend herself and justify her actions – which can’t be done.

    But by the way, kudos on the quirky, hilarious, and charismatic writing style you’ve got going on here. Much admired.

    Ridley.

    • OK, Ridley: I’m going to take a wild guess here and assume you’ve got some sort of psychology degree? Or perhaps you’ve just dealt with someone EXACTLY like Marilyn? Because it has taken me 3.5 years to make the same, absolutely accurate, diagnosis! IMHO…

      I can’t imagine how difficult it must be to have self-esteem issues, insecurity about a relationship and a huge dose of guilt, all rolled into one tidy little package. Add to the mix a healthy heap of narcissism, and you’ve got quite the explosive combination.

      And thank you for the feedback on my writing — I’m glad you stopped by!
      :)

      • Tim says:

        On Gravitar, she describes herself as…. ‘I am the girl next door. The girl that everyone thinks they know. Ironically, no one really knows me…..that is until now.’

        So between the lines, I see… ‘ Up until now I’ve been a nobody, worthless in my mind & others. No one really know me….(or wanted to.) But NOW I’m this famous person getting lots of traffic on my very public blog/spat with the woman whose husband I loaned, then stole for keeps. Look at all this attention I’m getting now. Woohoo! Finally I must be a somebody! ‘

        Yep, somebody with serious self esteem issues…..But heck, to be fair, it’s hard to feel really good about yourself if you’ve always been a nobody (except for a ‘go team’ now & then rah rah) and you’ve got nothing much to offer, and you’ve made decisions that have seriously impacted your kid’s well-being and bought a lot of widespread grief & angst .

        Her blogs justifying her selfish behavior are a desperate plea to get herself out of the gutter, in her own mind & that of others, but are ironically only read by your very loyal & biased readers so that’s not gonna do it for her! . If she hasn’t amounted to anything before now, in 35 years, does anyone really believe she’s got an iota of personality, intelligence, decency, or humor to offer? In fact, she’s painting a very clear picture of an insecure scheming, jealous, psycho, nutter. All good ammunition for your upcoming court case Mikalee!

        • Hey everybody: What he said.

          Seriously, Tim … you’ve shared what amount to be exactly my thoughts about the whole situation. Thanks for capturing it so precisely. We’ll only have to wait and see what a judge says — or if a judge has even read the background, which is my greatest fear after the mediation fiasco. I mean, the last court-appointed “helper” hadn’t read a single word of a single page of documentation, and he admitted it TWICE. What’s to say my judge won’t do the same? If there’s anything I’m nervous about, that is it…

          But we’ll know more — MONDAY! :)

  66. emjayandthem says:

    You know … this lady sounds a little off. I’m actually a little freaked out just reading this. You’re so right though .. you can’t make this sh*t up!

    Congrats on your super sleuthing abilities :) MJ

  67. The Compulsive Writer says:

    This was awesome!

  68. mamanne says:

    Here’s the deal: If she lets herself believe that you had a great marriage, were a good wife and truly loved, then she has to worry that the jerk who cheated on you could cheat on HER. If she continues to believe you were a horrid wife who “had it coming”, who your ex couldn’t possibly have been expected to stay with – then she’s safe… because if YOU were happily married just as SHE is now happily married – well, that can’t make her feel very secure,huh? I have found that women who cheat with someone’s husband HAVE to believe the wife is horrid to justify their own wickedness.

    I also have found Marilyn’s blog! I think because I wanted to see if I was as “smart” as your other readers, to find someone you’ve never, ever named or pointed us to… and it was not as hard as you’d think! Ha! Dang, she is hilarious, and not in a good way! I would never have given her blog a second look if I’d just stumbled across it, as it is cluttered, makes no sense, and is really pretty boring. I was offended when she implied “God” was somehow involved in her “fate” at reuniting with your ex – yeah, ’cause God is all about adultery and tearing apart families, right? Yeah, pretty sure I read that in my Bible once….. NOT.

    • You have completely nailed it — with one extra point I’d like to add. Since my ex made the choice to leave her for me when he was 19, and she then lured him away at the age of 33, HE has 14 years to pay for. And in order to survive, HE must tell her what a horrible, wicked, manipulative, awful woman I was.

      But the problem is all those cards and letters. And pictures. And my childrens’ memories of he and I being the very best of friends. So he has a LOT of work to do to convince her. (But yes, she’s doing double-duty, also working on herself in the meantime and blowing me up to be Worst Wife EVER in her mind…)

      Yip, her blog/website is a mess, pointless, not the product of a writer. But that one post about fate made me want to puke. What she described was free will, not fate — as she is the one who made the choice after moving to Hawaii to marry a man — and convince him to move back to Reno. About 3 blocks from me. In a home zoned for a school that my kids were attending.

      Fate? Hardly. Free will. The free will of a woman obsessed with revenge. And it makes me sick how blind I was to the whole thing… :(

      • mamanne says:

        Oooh! Suddenly it makes more sense… I didn’t realize your ex left Marilyn for you when y’all were younger (and unmarried, I get that) … so, the whole revenge thing is totally right-on! Geez… she couldn’t just let it go and live her own life, huh? And the whole Hawaii-Reno-same school district… wow. Holy wow. She’s a piece of work (and yeah, so’s your ex. sheesh.)

  69. Breanna says:

    I know that I’m biased because I’m family …but this (excuse my language )bitch is crazy. I’m glad her life is so pathetic that she has to stalk you. Its quite entertaining.

    • Haha…thank you to one of my absolute favorite family members…I love your insight!

      And I have to be thankful to them in a way as well — without the crazy they throw my way, I’d never have found my voice. I’m far more confident now, I love my life, I’m having fun and learning more about me than I ever knew before…thank you, John and Marilyn! ;)

  70. Michele says:

    It took me a while but I found her. Her blog is very boring. You can tell she has no sense of humor. I registered and my comment was posted on your blog within hours. I have been awaiting approval to comment on her blog for 2 days now. Why? My guess is that since your post she is on high alert and it wouldn’t surprise me to see her blog totally disappear.

    Very funny post. Your Ex looks like a doofus in her posted pics and she is WAY too thin!

    • I doubt her blog will disappear, only because she still thinks this is some sort of competition that she can “win.” The funny thing is, I couldn’t care any less about her or it — I only watch for things that I need to be aware of regarding me or my children. Otherwise, her blog is already dead to me!

      It’s truly amazing to me the transformation that one goes through after being treated horribly … in terms of how attractive you believe said horrible treater is. I used to find my ex attractive; now, I almost laugh when I see him. Is that bad? ;)

  71. Lindsay Dunn says:

    I found out that my best friend and the love of my life were screwing and living together and apparently in love by way of her live journal in 2007. Her and I read one another’s livejournals religiously, obsessively. We posted daily and it never took us more than five minutes after the other had written something until we’d rush to read it. When she moved out of the apartment we shared under awkward circumstances, we stopped speaking and I was ruined. Of course, this was the day before Chase was to accuse me of cheating on him with Nick and leave me. So, months after the dust had settled and I was deep in the throes of terrible agony and of course I’m reading Jenna and Chase’s livejournals every day, sometimes twice a day even if nothing new had been posted in weeks. One day Jenna updated with a sort of cut-up style, prose-y, stream of consciousness kind of ramble. Not like her at all. I’m the writer, she’s the painter. I read it over and over. It was horribly cheesy and pretentious. Again and again, I came back to it. I’d read it so many times and couldn’t get away from the fact that it didn’t makes sense that she would write something like what she had. It felt like she was trying to hide what she really wanted to talk about by stuffing it inside really bad poetry. Suddenly, some key words and phrases started to jump off the page at me. Things that I easily associated with Chase and his house. His niece’s name, something about the set-up of the room she was in, a man, how happy she was. Butterflies or some such nonsense. And then something I hadn’t noticed before. Chase left a comment. My gut and my powers of deduction screaming, I went to a friend who still spoke to Jenna. I asked her flat out and she told me. They were living together. Worst day of my entire life. She’d wanted to tell me because she felt guilty, as well she should have. But in code? Of course. It made sense. She knew I would get it eventually, we were just that close. Like twins. But the nerve of her and the fact that she never had to tell me to my face still haunts me.

    Mine and Chase’s relationship is documented so thoroughly between our blogs. We met on livejournal when Chase left a comment on my first journal in 2000. Since then we’ve had several journals each but we always blogged about one another and commented on each other’s entries. There were times of ebb and times of flow but we never really lost contact and six of those ten years before we had ever met in person, I spent in a state of hopelessly unrequited with him. One day I think I will gather all of the entries that we mention one another (I wish his old journal hadn’t been deleted by a still unknown deviant) and create a book for our children. Although, maybe not for our children since I am sure there are more inappropriate comments and entries than I think.

    Anyway, I feel like writing is the best thing that you can do no matter what’s happening around you at any given time. In ensures that you and everyone else who cares about you (or “doesn’t”) can truly understand who you are and what you feel, which is incredibly important. I mean, you and I barely know one another on a personal level and as much as I wish that weren’t the case, I care for you a great deal by association. I adore reading about your life and the way you look at the world. Each entry gives me a better understanding of the kind of person you are. I believe in vulnerability. Which is saying a lot, actually, considering the velocity at which my soul was ripped in two by the people I thought loved me most in this world. And your vulnerability makes me feel less exposed and more understood as a blogger.

    And in regards to sweet Marilyn (blech, by the way)…

    I have a theory. That is that Marilyn in some way felt special in that she was essentially the catalyst for your misery. She might have realized by now, had she not been completely lifeless behind the eyes, that she had as much affect on your life as a completely inanimate BRICK. She was a puzzle piece in the big picture that featured your life flipping on it’s head. Nothing more. Albeit an extremely exciting subject of fun making, she never had nor does she have now any kind of place in your real life. I think she envies you and wishes dearly that she could have been more of an influence in your life. I feel like it pisses her off that you’re not more upset by the fact that she “stole” various pieces of your old life and that you don’t want it back. Say the right thing and she will invariably feel obligated to defend herself or berate you with an unintelligent and desperate rant. Expect that. Also, your children are smart and they know the difference between right and wrong, Mommy and NOT Mommy, love and plagiarism. You’re doing a really great job of being strong for them as far as I can tell and that’s all they need in order to keep safe in a situation like this one. Your love and protection is limitless and you know it. It’s so nice to see someone so much in control of herself. Thank you for being you and never giving in to idiots or giving up to standards.

    (I apologize for my comment being nearly as long as your entry!)

    • Wow, Lindsay — what an amazing comment. On SO many levels!

      I can’t even imagine how disheartening the process of reading about the cheating would be. In real time — not even much after the fact. So as the words are screaming through your head, your mind is imagining them, together, as you’re reading — that is plain and simple torture. I’m so sorry you had to endure that kind of pain. So she wanted you to piece it all together so she wouldn’t have to talk about it? Kinda chicken-shit, no?

      For many of us, writing about our feelings is the very way we feel our feelings. Sounds crazy to those who can’t relate, but I often find myself not even breaking down, laughing, getting excited, etc., until I’ve written an email, or a blog post, or a text, or a letter. I can’t imagine my life without the ability to write, so you can all imagine the fear I face going into court next week with a law suit attempting to silence this blog. Ugh.

      Very interesting analysis of Marilyn, Lindsay. I think she does want to be a constant annoyance to me, a reminder of my pain so she can feel validated for her 13 years of longing for my Ex. But I have moved on, I don’t care about them (except their constant influence on my children) and the “pain” she inflicted actually inspired an amazing gift.

      And when/if the book deal comes, I’ll owe them a big ol’ “thank you.” I’ll need to thank them for putting me through hell so that I could pull myself out, shake myself off, dig deep, find my voice and speak. It was always there, I just hadn’t used it quite as much — until after this ordeal.

      Lindsay, thank you for sharing a piece of your story. It gave me goose bumps…

      • Lindsay Dunn says:

        The book deal is SO coming.

        I agree completely about the writing being an actual avenue for allowing yourself to process things and not just express what has already been processed. Allowing yourself to feel the things you may not have even known you felt until you actually write it down. It’s like when the writing starts you feel obligated to just admit things to yourself that you can’t unless you’re forced to read it back.

        • …similar to how nothing feels “real” until you tell somebody, right?

          Totally agreed. Writing is therapy, and I for one am glad for the outlet minus the $150/hour price tag!

  72. belle says:

    Wowzers! That woman has some SERIOUS levels of crazy! Jeez. It would be interesting to see what kind of crap she spouts on her blog – in a I-can’t-stop-looking-at-that-car-crash kinda way. Lol.

    I’m curious, Mikalee: can you not just block her from your site? Like her IP address, or something? Okay, I’m not going to pretend to have a CLUE about this sort of stuff, because, well, I really really don’t. But surely there must be SOME sort of way to stop her having access?? (Oooh, imagine how much that would irriate her..!!! [cue evil laugh])
    Cool post, as always x

    • Thanks for the comment, Belle!

      I’m pretty sure I can block her IP address, but I doubt I’ll have to after this blog post. Something tells me she won’t be coming back as Mary or Cindy or Dopey or Crappy or Riley. A former commenter noted that WordPress has something called BAN, which I would use if it became a problem. First you’d have to know IP addresses for her home and work (which I have), but then what if she goes to a public library? Or a friend’s house? There are too many variations to really adequately address them all.

      So for now, I just sit back and enjoy the fact that she now knows that I know. Which is good enough for me! And you all now know how to flesh out your own blog stalkers, which is just icing on the cake. ;)

  73. Pingback: Why Blogging is like Facebook … | elementarycircle

  74. Dakota says:

    Oh my gosh, this was such a GOOD READ. Thank you for sharing this lil number!!!

    dakotad.com

  75. Susan says:

    You’d like to see a bit of the type of crap she spouts in her blog?

    Her latest one is on a salad. She notes that ‘for some reason’ she is always asked to bring the salad. Interesting.. I can only think of one reason she would always be restricted to the salad. But then ‘on an off day’ she was asked to bring a desert. Now a desert is a pretty big & dusty thing to bring to a dinner party, so I’m kinda guessing she meant dessert. So on this unforgettable night, years ago, someone else bought the salad and what do you know, it was greens, with nuts, cheese, raisins & apples added. Being too difficult to remember, she asked for the receipe. I’m quoting here…

    ” Before I had left that night, I had her give me her recipe and I was shocked at how easy it was. I was even more shocked when I made it for the next event I attended.’

    Why was she shocked when she made it? Doesn’t sound like rocket science to me!

    And that’s the whole blog. I kid you not. A laughable salad recipe a 8 year old might hand in for homework written in a boring-as-bat-shit manner. YAAAAWWWNNN.

  76. Pat Butler says:

    Miikalee,,,,,,,,this is hilarious,,,,,,,,better than fiction and the best way to deal with all of this,,,,,,,,,through humor,,,,,,,,,your writing is great,,,,,,,,,haven’t been here for awhile but I go back and catch up! Pat

  77. Pat Butler says:

    Just wanted to say,,,,,,,,,,,good luck with your court date,,,,,,,,,,,,,can’t imagine that they could even try to shut you up,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,the thought is totally disgusting, anyway you will lots of people rooting for you!

  78. Salmart says:

    In the light of the discoveries in this post, how funny is this blog by Marilyn now??

    “Can you imagine a world where your ex has access to the things you do and knowledge of your personal experiences? A world where there is no stopping a sociopathic stalker from inserting themselves into your lives? A world of gross misinterpretation and perceived righteousness?

    Clearly Marilyn’s post was solely an attack on Mikalee, with no public interest at all. (Mentions at the end her ex doesn’t goggle her anymore so that means 2 minus 1 = 1.) Needless to say, it got no comments.

    And here’s the next interesting bit: At the bottom is: Author Bio: ‘Marilyn” has spent her whole life doing the right thing, rather than pursuing her dreams. That is until now. Four years ago, she threw caution to the wind, divorced her then husband of ten years, and began reaching for the stars.

    So let me get this right, Marilyn. Up until 4 years ago, you did do the right thing? And then???? Ah yeah, NOT the right thing……. thanks for clearing that up, in your own words…

    • …NOW you see what I’m dealing with, day in and out. She’s projecting onto me, clearly. But the bottom line is I couldn’t care less about what she “writes,” and only read for my daily dose of humor and, of course, because of our pending court case.

      Nice catch on her words, btw. Very revealing. Almost as revealing as her own words in five different “voices” posted as comments in recent months. She’s full of insightful revelations, huh?

  79. PL Holden says:

    I recently had someone heckle my spelling on Twitter when I wrote that somebody’s avatar with an animation of vomiting was discusting (instead of disgusting). I’m pretty sure he was joking though, but it’s kind of trippy when the whole blogging (or microblogging) experience gets more “real”.

    • I woulda thought you were being sly…”discussing” the “disgusting” avatar, thus melding the words.

      Oh well. Some people have entirely too much time on their hands.

      Of course, I guess I might be one of those people considering my own investigation and all! But truly, this whole process cost me about an hour of my life — with priceless results. So I’m good with the investment. ;)

  80. Judy says:

    Unreal. Go Mikalee! I can’t imagine that you would need “luck” in court, but good luck anyways. Cheers!

  81. gus3 says:

    “I truly feel sorry for someone who finds her self-worth rising as her dress size plummets…”

    I am SO stealing that line! Oh, wait. I already did! LOL

  82. Pingback: Are You There, Justice? It’s Me, Mikalee. « Me 2.0

  83. gigi says:

    Mikalee-
    You are a terrific writer! I’m a generation up from you, looking at your life events; similar to those I and and many friends have gone through. My observations-

    To paraphrase Dr. King: The arc of life is long, but it bends toward reconciliation-(in the meantime, it is long).

    Your husband left the marriage. He left the home. I can understand, and even commend, taking action for your own happiness, but the children were not protected in this event. From their perspective, life was good with mommy and daddy. My first marriage may have been more unhappy than yours (we BOTH knew it), but when it ended my young son told me it felt like “a bomb exploded in the middle of my life”. The arc of this explosion will reconcile over the next 20-30 years. The kids WILL struggle with questions that will be addressed.

    “A mother is like the air that you breath”. As I said, I’m up a generation; I am seeing friends lose their parents- and dreading it myself. When my brilliant best friend lost her Mom, that’s what she told me- you can’t prepare yourself, because “a mother is like the air that you breath”- you may not constantly be aware of it, but you cannot imagine what life would be like without it.
    You rock to your mother’s heartbeat before you are born. You breath your mother and your father from the moment you enter this world. You cannot offer your kids another mother. Or another father. I’m Sorry. I really am. The arc of this truth is eternal.
    Denying it prolongs conflict and inflicts pain and insecurity on the kids. Respecting this truth may open the door for successful parallel families.
    (Heaviosity….. )
    I keenly appreciate your positive attitude and wit! you have readers because, sooner or later, we all ‘reinvent’ ourselves. it’s great to see that it can be done with GUSTO! Good luck on Monday, Mom!

    • Wow, Gigi — what a beautiful comment. So full of insights and keen perspective — I thank you for adding to the conversation!

      I struggle with the future uncertainty of my children’s emotional health almost daily (hourly? minutely? is that a word?). Anyhow, when he left the marriage, I had complete and total confidence that despite the turmoil, we could “do this for the kids”: be “that couple” that respected and honored the biological bonds. But I was wrong.

      It breaks my heart that I was wrong.

      I have come to the personal realization that the “parallel” concept only serves the parents, not the children. They are still stuck between two homes with different rules, standards, values. We’re the ones as parents who live our lives exactly as we want. The kids have to adjust — greatly. And that’s, simply put, just not fair.

      Your “heaviosity” is appreciated, and I largely concur with your viewpoint. Just hoping we can get there, given the situation.

      Thanks so much for the kind compliments about my writing — and I’m so happy you’re here!

  84. Wednesday says:

    So, MikalEE. Looks like you’re a suspect too! :P

  85. MJ says:

    I’m curious as to your statement to Marilyn: “[Y]ou and I both know exactly why he left me for you — and it has nothing at all to do with my looks or your looks.”

    What IS the reason that you both know is the truth for John leaving? Or did I miss the answer somewhere along the blogway?

    Still loving your spirit and writing. Stay strong. They are pathetic and cannot STAND that you are calling them on their shit.

    Yay for 2.0 YOU!

    • Hey, MJ!

      First, while I’d love to share the answer to this, it’s a complicated matter and would potentially be perceived as me slinging mud. So I’ll refrain. But rest assured, Marilyn knows (or rather, fears she knows) and my Ex definitely knows…as do I.

      Thanks so much for the incredible support of my 2.0 version…I’m loving it, and I’m loving that so many of you are along for the journey!

  86. :) LOVE IT! Great writer, even better detective. I admire that you are able to get so personal. I have so much to say, but don’t feel like I can put it out there. Maybe with some time and continued reading, I might one day put what a really think out for the masses. Oh, and I end in ‘ee’ as Stephanie, so I will join your dwarfs if you will allow. ;)

    • Excellent! Another dwarf to add to the roll call — please start practicing “Heigh ho” so that you can be up to speed on our next journey to the mines, k?
      ;)

      Best of luck to you in your journey — it sounds like you definitely have something to say, and I’m quite sure you’ll find the right time and way to say it. It may take time, but I encourage you to take full advantage of the opportunity to allow others to hear your voice.

      Shared experience is a beautiful thing!

  87. MJ says:

    I cannot BELIEVE that you actually respond to us all.

    Way to go on THAT.

    P.S. I made a really true/bad comment on Manson’s site. I couldn’t help myself!

    Combo of Shiraz/Cab…blame it on the red!

    I am sure it won’t be there tomorrow, but I do want you to know….

    MJ:
    Your comment is awaiting moderation.

    April 9, 2011 at 12:07 am

    parenting…wow.
    starting off your lives as adulterers.
    way to teach those young un’s!!
    your sad ass writing pales to mikalee’s–stop embarrassing yourself.
    i am sure your husband regrets his dumb dumb dumb choice–not that mik. cares at this point..
    you lose AGAIN.

    I know..it’s immature but I love you…and they SUCK

    (ontario, canada–anytime for more wine!)

    • *smile*

      Merlot/cab blend here – though I don’t always blame it on the red (I do often enough to comment to a fellow canadian)

      So – Hi! *waves*

      You rock – as does Mikalee (and yes – ‘they’ M.anson & Man/boy suck sour – just sayin)

      M.L.

    • Hahaha! Thank you for the wonderful support — and keep drinking the red. (Though oddly, I’ve been a fan of the white of late. A bizarre twist that must be part of my reinvention…hmmmm.)

      (Note to all others: By responding positively to this comment, Mikalee Byerman does not condone or support the actions of MJ. Though MJ clearly rocks…)

  88. Great sleuthing! Narcissistic people also tend to think they can get away with anything and nobody will find out. Marilyn is obviously not the brightest bulb in the chandelier. Wonder how she will feel in a few years when her new husband does the same thing to her he did to you…

    • “Narcissistic people also tend to think they can get away with anything and nobody will find out.”

      So true! There’s another symptom of Narcissistic Personality Disorder that describes how those who suffer from the disorder are astounded when people don’t respond favorably to them. Sounds just about right…

  89. Jess says:

    Wow, that is WAY creepy. All of a sudden I’m glad no one reads my blog. Useful information though. I think I’ll “like” this post for easy reference later on…

  90. Wow she is super creepy. I mean, you have every right to blog about your divorce – it’s YOUR divorce – not hers. WTF does she care and why is she stalking you? And really? Sally? Kelly? she couldn’t be more creative and obvious with the fake names.

    You rock, btw. I want to hire you next time I need detective work : )

  91. Lee says:

    Mikalee,
    you have to see this! she just posted something about “online ethics”.
    And since you picked up on her preference of names that end like her own, she posted something under “ursula” in her own comments.
    You REALLY can’t make up shit like this!!!

    • Oh yes, the irony is rich, isn’t it?

      And I wouldn’t put it past her to comment on her own blog. We already know how fond she is of that tactic based on my own research! ;)

  92. fluffinear says:

    Sadly, as I was reading this post I was thinking, you know my sister in-law? She drives me crazy, and my brothers ex-wife, with her constant Facebook messages about my brothers daughter from a previous marriage. She referrers to her as “her baby” or their “first born”. She is almost every post on my niece’s page with comments like “look at those cute pictures of you. maybe you are really half mine”
    I am not even the girls mother and it irritates me!

    • What is wrong with these people? I mean, truly … I understand and totally respect that stepmothers/fathers are just that: stepmothers/fathers. They have a legitimate place in their stepchildren’s lives, but why would they ever try to overstep such obvious boundaries? It’s clearly a move borne of insecurity, a need to somehow try to “replace” the bio parent or take ownership of children who aren’t theirs in order to secure their place in the lives of a new family.

      Best of luck to you as you continue to deal with that annoying madness. Ugh…

  93. Hi Mikalee, just thinking… it might be time for you to make some money on here. Your readership is growing amazingly fast and you might find some sponsors to pay to put ads on here. Could help with lawyer fees ; ) and then they might be interested to sponsor your movie when it’s made. I think Renee Zellweger should play you.

    • Hmmm…interesting proposal. I have been pondering for years who will play me in the TV version and I welcome ideas, because ultimately, I keep coming back to Melissa Gilbert. Clearly, in my head, this is a made-for-TV movie on the Lifetime Network!

      But if we go big screen, you think Renee? How about Debra Messing? Just NOT Joan Cusack, please…
      ;)

      • Salmart says:

        Why not kick start your movie career and play yourself? You’re clearly a gal of many talents, I doubt those actresses would have anything on you. But it will all hinge on timing, as to when Marilyn Manson’s available.

  94. Spectra says:

    Go there, girl! This is all very difficult. For you, and for all women in your situation. SO sorry for everyone who finds themselves disdained in this way, disrespected, unappreciated…so many more words, but I think you all get the point.

  95. Hi. I just stumbled upon your blog and I was glued right away. Marilyn is so pathetic! I so hate homewreckers. Good thing you are vigilant! Anyway, this Marilyn would eventually pay for her sins someday.

    All the best and keep up the sharing! :-)

  96. shinypigeon says:

    You LEGEND!
    Mikalee….you are amazing.
    This troll slides into your old life, takes your husband, your house, and cares for your kids……she thought she could do that easily?
    Not realising everytime she doesn’t do something quite right….it’s not how you used to do it.
    It’s not how Mummy does it. Or…Oh…thats not how Mikalee used to do it.
    Hope she enjoys your sloppy seconds…(not your kidlets of course! They are not sloppy or seconds)

    • Wow. I am Legend. I dig that! ;)

      And I’m so glad to be rid of my own baggage in this situation. You’re right — sloppy seconds. What a great way to describe it! I wish them luck with all that…

  97. Groundy says:

    LMAO!
    Just hilarious! I swear, my exh and his gf stalk me online too, One is a drunk the other nuts… I say when these two get together ‘ It’s like flambe` waiting to happen’.
    Reading your stuff is like almost living mine again. ( luckily there’s not abuse in yours!)~Groundy

    • Wow, Groundy — I love that you can relate. Though I have to tell you how sorry I am that you had to endure what you did — that’s absolutely awful.

      Flambe! I love it … let them burn up together, right?
      :)

  98. Pingback: Hey Divorce, I Found Your Groove. But I’m Not Giving it Back… « Me 2.0

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  100. Lil says:

    Hi there, I just discovered your blog by virtue of your response to the NYT article, i.e. I googled “shit divorce”. I like your blunt, in your face, writing style. I know this is an older post, but from what little I have read so far, this gave me an “aha”. It sounds like your ex is giving her the information that rightfully should have been shared with you, as in, what was wrong during the 10 years you thought you were happily married. Is she still blogging? (you should post the link). Maybe you should encourage it. It kinda sounds like a screwed up way of doing it, but if you want to do some historical fact finding, maybe she’s your open book. Or not. Just a thought.

    • Well I’m so glad you’re here — even if following my “shit divorce” ranking was the path! Too funny…

      I think you might be right in a way — or it may be even simpler: My guess is these are all the things that he has told her he was feeling, because he had a whole lot of justification to do for the 13 years he was with me instead of her. I’ll never really know whether he really felt them or not (if he did, he was an awfully good actor, as we were the very best of friends and had a pretty wonderful life. Or at least I thought.)

      Regardless, I’m so much better off. I wish them nothing but happiness — and I get to embrace a life with a future untainted by their star-crossed-ness. Yip…just made up that word… ;)

      Thank you so much for the comment and perspective! I hope to see you around here again…

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