I Spy with My Little Eye…a Blog Stalker?!?!

I see you. Seriously. I see you. Stop looking at me like that.

Hey everybody … it’s time to play “I’m not a doctor, I just play one on Mikalee’s blog!”

(Cue wild applause, a Tic Tac Dough-esque dragon chomping across the screen and lighting reminiscent of best-game-show-in-history Press Your Luck. Hey, don’t judge: that show totally rocked with its “Big Bucks. No Whammies. Stop!” action.)

Today’s episode has us contemplating four diagnoses for our soon-to-be-revealed patient. For your consideration:

Diagnosis #1: Creeper. A person who does weird things, like stares at you while you sleep, or looks at you for hours through a window. Usually a close friend or relative.
(Urban Dictionary, 2010)

Diagnosis #2: Narcissistic personality disorder. A condition in which people have an inflated sense of self-importance and an extreme preoccupation with themselves. A person with narcissistic personality disorder may:

  1. Take advantage of other people to achieve his or her own goals;
  2. Have excessive feelings of self-importance;
  3. Exaggerate achievements and talents;
  4. Be preoccupied with fantasies of success, power, beauty, intelligence, or ideal love;
  5. Need constant attention and admiration;
  6. Disregard the feelings of others, and have little ability to feel empathy;
  7. Have obsessive self-interest and pursue mainly selfish goals.

(excerpted from National Center for Biotechnology Information, U.S. National Library of Medicine)

Diagnosis #3: Crazy. Mad, insane; passionately preoccupied: obsessed.
(2011 Merriam-Webster, Incorporated)

Diagnosis #4: Creepy Stalker. A pathological follower and tab-keeper of another person; a scary-looking person who removes the stalks of plants; a scary-looking person who removes the stalks of plants while following and keeping tabs on another person.
(Mikalee Byerman, 2011)

What’s the background of said patient, you ask? But of course…but first, indulge me in some context, por favor.

So at the outset, I’m a total humanitarian. You’re all welcome, in advance.

You see, as part of my reinvention, I’ve become a wee-bit interested in the idea of knowing as much about myself as possible and REALLY trying to be aware of others’ reactions to me. Obviously, I was completely oblivious to these realities in my 1.0 version, what with the husband who pretended to be my best friend day in/out, who dated me for three years pre-marriage, who stayed happily married to me for over a decade…and then decided the woman of his dreams was his ex-girlfriend, as she clearly had been all along.

Oh yeah, and now in the aftermath, it’s obvious that I somehow manipulated him into 13 years of “alleged” happiness. I’m such a bitch.

Should I have seen the signs? I wish. But as I’ve illustrated, there clearly weren’t any.

The thing is, I’d take responsibility for the demise of my marriage and my lack of self-awareness if my then-husband had – oh, I don’t know – shared any of his feelings with me. Seriously. This is an aspect of my post-divorce life that I’ve had to come to terms with: Given his lack of honesty, my primary responsibility in the end is to acknowledge my own naivete in trusting his words/expressions/cues/affection.

I used to beat myself up constantly wishing I had only known, but at the time there was nothing to know.

So anyhow, post-divorce, I’m a little more vigilant about how people react to me, and vulnerability makes me Super-Glue-stuck-to-fingers crazy. Yet one way I’ve totally exposed myself in my 2.0 version – like stark-nudey-naked-bare-assed exposed – is through this blog.

And for those of you who are bloggers, you know what I mean: There’s this way creepy thing called a “comment,” which, when it appears, can inspire some sideways squinting and breath-holding until you realize — phew! — it’s a friendly one.

Not a hater. And not a freaky deaky dude inquiring about how exceptionally soft and supple your feet and legs might be.

Over the course of my six months of blogging, I’ve received about five negative “hater” comments on this blog. But the strange thing is: These comments all seemed oddly alike. All were from “girls” whose names adorably ended in “ee” sounds (Kelly, Sally, Dee, Happy and Kathy … only Dopey and Sleepy seem to be missing) – yet despite these five disparate identities, three were from the same IP address, while two were from another.

And all sounded eerily like…well, something Marilyn might say. (For those of you new to the blog, Marilyn is the silly little pseudonym a friend of mine created for my ex’s once-high-school-girlfriend, now new wife. More context can be found here.)

Hmmm…

Here’s something you may not know about me: I’m vigilant. Which means I do my homework. You probably know that every time someone leaves a comment, you see their IP address, right? But did you know you can use the Internet to check an approximate latitude and longitude for that IP address? Furthermore, did you know that IP addresses are oftentimes buried in a sender’s email, so if you’ve ever received an email from someone who has left you a comment, there’s a way to cross-reference them?

And here’s the point at which I become a humanitarian. Because in the course of one hour on the Internet and some super-duper super sleuthing (like the kind Ace Ventura would do – no Perry Mason skills required for this exercise), I developed a tool for all to use.

And now I present to you, Mikalee’s 4-Step Guide to Flushing Out Blog Stalkers ©®™ (FYI, a blog stalker is just like a gob stopper. Just not quite as chewy. Or scrumptious.):

  1. Double click the IP address left with the comment. I had five comments I was checking, with two separate IP addresses – three from one address, two from another.
  2. Go here: http://whatismyipaddress.com/ip; find latitude and longitude of the computer used, which narrows down blog stalker’s general location. Not as creepy as it sounds, as it simply gives you an idea of the region. But you can imagine my surprise as the location of said IP address was kinda my home. Or at least, way close to my home. Until you recall that John and Marilyn live three blocks away, in the first home John and I purchased together…
  3. Using information found here http://aruljohn.com/info/howtofindipaddress/#gmail, cross-reference IP address with emails sent from John/Marilyn’s home account. BINGO! That’s a match for three of them…
  4. For the two that didn’t come from their home computer (come on: Big bucks, no Whammies, STOP!), cross-reference IP address with Marilyn’s place of business. You see, she works at a small office, and given the info discovered at http://whatismyipaddress.com/ip, I did a little creative investigating of the company’s Internet service provider to verify beyond a shadow of a doubt that, indeed, the other IP address was Marilyn’s place of business. (Cue flashing lights and raging cheers from the audience…)

IP stands for "Investigating Psychos," right?

Yip, I think you see where I’m heading here: I’ve trashed five comments in recent months — all documented and verified and proven and corroborated and validated to be from either John/Marilyn’s home or Marilyn’s work.

Seriously. Who does this? Are they on glue or something?

So I’ll bet you’re curious. Would you like to see a few of these comments for yourself? One of them referenced my children, so I’m not sharing that one. But the rest, in their unedited and exactly-as-penned-and-not-posted glory, for your viewing pleasure…

A new comment on the post “How my marriage ended with a brick (And no, that’s not me being cute. Or even symbolic. Literally. With a brick. Seriously…)” is waiting for your approval

http://mikaleebyerman.wordpress.com/2010/08/27/the-brick/

Author : Happy Divorce’

Comment:

Seems to me that you are an angry bitter woman that needs to move on with her life. I truly feel sorry for you that after this long you have not let go and moved. Instead of focusing on your past and creating a blog about it, you should be looking at your future and all the possibilities. By focusing on the past, writing about your ex and his girl, you are not allowing yourself to move on and be happy. If you think you are getting “even”, which based on your statement about two people being terrified I would say you are trying to, you probably should realize that they most likely could care less what you have to say. If your ex didn’t care enough about you and your marriage when you were married I am pretty sure he doesn’t care now. It’s time to let go and move on.

Hahahahaha! Clearly you couldn’t care less what I have to say…which is why you’re leaving me a comment. Oh the irony! And btw, my whole blog is focused on reinvention, post-divorce…you’re the only one stuck in the past, Marilyn. Scouts honor.

A new comment on the post “Is she hot?” is waiting for your approval

http://mikaleebyerman.wordpress.com/2010/09/28/is-she-hot/
Author : Dee

Comment:
While I agree that you have a right to feel that this woman is some how inferior, you do know that when we dislike someone you tend to try to find them ugly even when they are not. That is only natural….however I think you are missing the point here…’Is she hot?” really does not pertain to her face it pertains to her body. Basically people are asking (all be it inappropriately) if you were to stand next to her in a bikini and she in hers, would your ex choose her or you?

Divorce is hard and people almost always want to blame everyone but themselves….maybe it is time to stop blaming and starting searching deep inside yourself instead.

First off: Why thank you, Marilyn, for acknowledging that my face is prettier than yours. Much appreciated! However: Oh. My. God. Are you seriously so insecure that you have to leave me a comment to try to make me insecure about my body?!?! Actually, I should expect nothing less from the woman who has inspired my daughter to ponder “How many grams of fat are in this water bottle?” I truly feel sorry for someone who finds her self-worth rising as her dress size plummets … and I will teach my daughter to value herself more than that.

A new comment on the post “Is she hot?” is waiting for your approval
http://mikaleebyerman.wordpress.com/2010/09/28/is-she-hot/

Author: Sally

Comment:

I am curious….if you came in second to “Marilyn Manson” how pathetic does that make you? I don’t think I would admit losing to “Marilyn Manson”. At least if you said she was hot you would maybe have an excuse.

No excuse needed, thank you very much, as you and I both know exactly why he left me for you — and it has nothing at all to do with my looks or your looks. (And since this is coming from Marilyn, I think this is tacit acknowledgment that the resemblance really is striking…)

A new comment on the post “Didn’t You See the Signs?” is waiting for your approval
http://mikaleebyerman.wordpress.com/2010/11/01/didnt-you-see-the-signs/

Author: Kelly

Comment:

I have been sitting here reading through your blog and I am confused and have a question that I hope you take seriously and really reevaluate yourself a little.

If your marriage was as perfect as you claim and you both were as happy as you say, why on earth would your ex have left you for a woman whom you claim is so hideously ugly, and stupid?

I have seen many relationships end although I have never seen a relationship (affair or not) that one person is solely to blame. From reading through your blog I would have to say it seems like there were a lot of issues but they were not dealt with (if there weren’t I don’t think you would have the issues you are having today). And now you have been left and feel betrayed and feel a huge need to blame and accuse.

I think I would take a step back, stop blaming your ex and Marilyn for everything and consider where you might have gone wrong (at least a little).

I was stuck there too and hatred and bitterness only causes you pain. Until you learn to let go and move on you will continue to battle everything you are battling and more.

Dear, dear Marilyn: I have let go. I have moved on. I am only still dealing with this crap because of my serious concerns as a mother for my children and their health, safety and well being. You are the one who clearly hasn’t let go of your resentment over the 13 years you “think” I stole from you. Well guess what? He gave them to me, free and clear. And he never made me aware of any issues. So if you’d like to blame anyone: BLAME HIM!

Well, there you have it. So now, I redirect you to the diagnoses at the top. What’s your guess?

But wait! I have one more diagnosis, for your consideration:

Borderline personality disorder: a condition in which people have long-term patterns of unstable or turbulent emotions, such as feelings about themselves and others. These inner experiences often cause them to take impulsive actions and have chaotic relationships.

People with BPD are often uncertain about their identity. (emphasis added by me – cuz I can. And cuz you need to pay attention to that part…)

(excerpted from National Center for Biotechnology Information, U.S. National Library of Medicine)

So, Kelly-Kathy-Dee-Happy-Sally-MARILYN: I’m flattered. But please, wake up to how scary this is becoming. Consider:

  1. You took my husband (yours to keep … and thank YOU!).
  2. You try to take my children (through hair cuts that resemble yours, feathers, deeming them “your children” in every blog you write, etc. – but it won’t work, promise…).
  3. You took over my business name (I gave it up years ago, post-divorce. You chose to assume it for your business. Why didn’t you just get your own?)
  4. You live in my old home (that’s gotta be weird…).
  5. You started a blog in response to my blog. You write blog posts in response to my blog posts. You even emulate the style in which I write my blog posts.
  6. You posted my dead grandmother’s meatball recipe and my secret tip to killer banana bread on your blog (did John ever tell you that he learned these from ME?).
  7. You are now espousing that you are a “freelance writer.” I’ve been doing this for 13 years, have a master’s degree in journalism, am published and actually can write. You? Well, never mind…
  8. …and now you’re following my blog, leaving five comments under five separate identities in the all of six months that I’ve been blogging. Which may just make you my #1 Fan. Numero uno. My favorite blog stalker!

Bottom line: Marilyn and John are taking me to court in part to try to stop my blog. Yet she’s using the very medium afforded by this blog as a personal microphone amplifying her very clear insecurities into my psyche. Or at least trying to. But I’m onto you.

And I just have one thing to ask: Hypocrite much?

Yes, friends. You can’t make this shit up. Your thoughts? Are you surprised to learn how easy it is to investigate someone’s IP address? Any experience with blog stalkers? Anyone else find themselves hyper-vigilant about people’s reactions to you, post betrayal?

I’d love to hear your super-sleuthy analysis … as always!

About these ads

About Mikalee Byerman

How can a sometimes bitter, definitely jaded, no longer trusting blindsided ex-wife still believe in happy endings? (not that kind of happy endings...sheesh, people...) By channeling her scary internal dialogue through a controversial blog/future book, swearing like a drunken sailor and spending all her spare time focused on helping others people heal. Oh, and wine...lots of good, red wine. Join me as I embrace my next best self (and help you discover yours) with Me 2.0!
This entry was posted in My (forced) reinvention, My bat-shit crazy divorce and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

295 Responses to I Spy with My Little Eye…a Blog Stalker?!?!

  1. Jon says:

    well i don’t know if i can add much to the keen and krafty comments here, BUUUUT i must say you just have a quip in every line, a turn of phrase at every corner…AAAND you’re a photo fiend too? my my…what was he thinking????

  2. ava812 says:

    I have so much fun reading your entries. Your life definitely qualifies with that of an A list Hollywood celebrities! Keep on being fabulous, loud and strong! Go girl!

  3. Sarah Een says:

    I have had the pleasure and the privilege of knowing Mikalee since I was 6? 7? I have not talked to her in over twenty years, but I knew she was quite smart then and is apparently still quite smart. I don’t generally read blogs, aside from TWOP and Seanbaby, but this blog is funny and smart and relevant. Mik, I would love to see this chick and her lame counter-blog (is that a word?) I am facebooking you as we speak..Must see this bim, have to see this broad…and keep it coming. I think your blog is helpful, I am currently in an awesome relationship but I had to wade through a lot of shit (boxes) to get here. I hope you will find someone like I have, but that is a trite thing to say. I hope you will be happy and love your kids (I have none but the feline and canine type) and I hope you will get what you want and what you deserve. You will, you gotta have faith (thanks George MIchael) or you gotta rip shit up and listen to Afghan Whigs and Bad Religion, for when you want a Cornell grad sing about the government and various social issues..punk rock often helps. Best of luck and I hope to hear from you soon.

    • Wow Sarah — I’m so happy we’ve reconnected. But I do believe it’s been about 30 years since we’ve spoken…CRAZY!!!!

      I’m so glad you’re here and sharing your experiences. And I have to say, the more I hear about people going through endless shit and finding happiness in the end — it gives me hope. I love my children with all my heart, I have a great boyfriend and life is good. It’s just the trust issues that remain … and I’m SO looking forward to that being over!

      And BTW, thanks a whole lot: Because now I can’t get George Michael and that cheesy song Faith out of my head! ;)

  4. Sarah Een says:

    Wow, what a twat. And I speak form a place of hotness, or at least I think so. The whole “bikini contest” is such crap. even though I bet I’d win that one next to my old bf’s ex. Still, grasp at straws much? How about your personality makes you hot or attractive, beauty fades, stupid is forever, and she is stupid. All be it? Really? Albeit she is an idiot, but my advice to her is to get a hobby, and an editor, and a nose job..Sorry, I’m not really shallow but you gotta fight fire with fire/ You will always win this one, old friend. Because the sexiest thing about my sexy ass is my sexy brain!

  5. Sarah Een says:

    small voice.. ( i like George Michael) Keep on doing what you’re doing, I am so glad to see your readers finding hope and strength with you. 30 years..wow.. If you ever find yourself near Texas, come stay with us on the beach, we have a separate apartment for guests. Hell if anyone wants to come out, come on out! I think what you’re doing os so great and if you can make one person feel better, than your job is done.

    • Haha…I like George Michael too…except when I can’t get certain songs out of my head! ;)

      I’m having a great time with this, and I’ve heard from SO many people (most I don’t even know) who can relate to my situation. And that definitely makes me feel good about what I’m doing. If we weren’t all laughing about the shit, we’d be crying…and I’d rather laugh!

      Thanks so much for the support, Sarah — it’s so nice to hear from you…

  6. Pingback: Dear Universe: Can You Hear Me Now? « Me 2.0

  7. Pingback: Could I Be the Next Bachelorette? « Me 2.0

  8. F. says:

    LOL leaving comment. LEAVING COMMENT NOW.

    Lest you think I, too, am stalking you, let me assure you that I am not. I have no idea how I ended up on your blog… (actually… you were the first comment on a Freshly Pressed today and I clicked on your name!). I’m loving your blog. It’s sad to hear what you had to go through but you’ve turned into a hilarious, very well-written story.

    • Well shucks — thank you so much.

      I’m grateful for your perusal of Freshly Pressed, your random clicking on my comment and now your awesome comment here. I hope we see you around here again!

  9. indiraadams says:

    I HATE THAT UGLY MARLYN BECAUSE SHE SOUNDS ROTTEN AND JOHN SOUNDS LIKE A BIG LOSER WHO HAS NO MORALS!

    And I love reading your blog :) It sounds like a Sarah Dessen story, where one jerk parent cheats on the awesome other one. I’m glad you are DOING SOMETHING to let your story be heard. “Marlyn” says that she doesn’t care about your blog, but clearly she does…why else would she take you to court over it? Oh, and FREEDOM OF SPEECH.

  10. LOL. Some things never change. Why are new wives so obsessed with their husband’s ex? You are right and she needs to let go of the past. Super creepy how she immulates you. Maybe things aren’t as happy as she thought they would be once she got her prize (read loser jackass).

    Thanks for the link. I enjoyed it and will try to get back soon.

    Miss D

  11. whenquiet says:

    I checked out your blog months ago. How horrible that you continue to experience such weirdness and crap! I experienced a different kind of weirdness with a psycho neighbor(not giving it any more energy), and in the beginning, wrote about it on my blog(in order to heal)For the Sound of Silence I Will Raise My Mighty Voice…Take it from me Mykalee…it ain’t worth getting sick(mentally nor physically)….You do you….somehow, the haters reap what they sow….Your kids know who Mama is..not to worry…Blessings!…..

    • Great points all around. Sometimes it does feel good to just let go and not worry about it, knowing it will all work out in the end. But then, my children are with these people as often as they’re with me — so I do worry. A lot…

      Thank you for stopping by and commenting!

  12. Agh! Super creepy people, yes, they are out there! I can’t tell you how close this story is to one of my own, even if there was no internet involved in mine. It gives me shivers to read this, and to remember my own creepy stalker new/ex partner of ex-capades crap I endured. Good for you, writing this!
    Pearl

    • It scares me that this story resonates — I can’t believe (yet now I do) that others have endured this particular brand of crazy. I do hope things have calmed down for you…

      Thank you for reading, Pearl!

  13. Tamie says:

    Mikalee,

    Ohhh….this blog must have had quite an effect on Kelly-Kathy-Dee-Happy-Sally-MARILYN…I imagine her stomping through her house, banging doors and uttering horrible expletives that included your name. HA HA. …and for weeks after reading this. I imagine your husband is treated to a daily showing of your blog from Marilyn….”LOOK what she wrote now!” He probably spends more time thinking about you now then he did when you were married….thanks to Marilyn shoving your blog in his face. (MARILYN, if you read this comment…..your actions are probably gonna bite you in the butt, silly girl!)

    WOW!

    I too have a stalker…a quiet one who acts like she is totally disinterested in both my personal blog and our family site. She never comments, but I use SiteMeter, which tells you the location of your visitors and other such stats….so I know she visits my sites almost daily.

    It turns out that a stalker can be inspirational. Knowing that someone like her is reading my blog, sometimes unleashes a beast in me…a wordy, sarcastic, grinning like a Cheshire Cat-type beast….knowing I can get to her without being too witchy with my words and my life as it appears in my blog. hee hee. Living well is truly the best revenge.

    So WRITE ON my dear and keep enjoying this community you have created for yourself. I delight in your prose and encourage you to unleash your fury in word form only. It’s good for you….and I enjoy the giggles I always get from reading your posts.

    Thanks,
    Tamie

    • Oh, Tamie…you’ve definitely nailed it here. On so many levels!

      There is something validating about knowing that your words are being consumed by someone who “claims” to be so ambivalent. Yet we all know that the same kind of obsessive compulsion that drives them to stalk, also drives them to obsess over every word! I absolutely loved your analysis of how inspirational that can be — Cheshire cat indeed…

      Thank you so much for reading, enjoying and commenting. It’s nice to know I’m not alone in my plight!

  14. Tell me you’re working your story into a screen play or novel. (If you’re not, happy to volunteer!) This is simply too much… Are they seriously suing you?

    I have no idea if I’ve been blog-stalked, but thanks to you I may soon find out… So glad your stalker, in a roundabout way, led you to my blog then me to yours. Looking forward to staying connected in a totally non-creepy, non-invasive way. :)

    • No formalized plans on the screenplay quite yet, but it’s definitely a story to tell. I’m biting off the “book” version first — then off to find someone who knows the screen! I may be in touch…

      Yes, they seriously sued me — while she simultaneously used my blog to try to communicate her insidious, little, shallow, jealous, desperate thoughts. Awesome, no?

      I’m definitely glad we’ve connected, too. Looking forward to a long relationship of non-creepy, non-invasive blog love!

  15. Pingback: I am Such a Dick. (…and Other Eloquent Musings from my Award Show Acceptance Speech…) « Me 2.0

  16. With all this emulating Marilyn is doing, one would think she’d think that it would eventually occur to her: “Hey dickhead left Mikalee… I am going to do everything she does, only better (as if)… if I am like Mikalee, hmmm…. (circle back to line one)” Does the image of a snaggle toothed mutt chasing its tail come to mind? (And I hate to use Dick here, given the redemption it’s currently enjoying on your most recent post… which brought me here in the first place!). Oh how I love what you have to say. On all fronts.

    • Hahahahahahaha…silly you: You’re assuming higher level, almost transitive property thinking. If A=B and B=C, then A=C. Or something like that.

      Clearly, that’s not possible in this case. Instead, she’s assuming A=me and B=her so A=B so C stays with her.
      ;)

  17. I have been going through a very similar thing lately. One way my blog stalker tried to trick me was to use hidemyass.com…except that once I knew it was attached to a comment from him, I figured every other hit from that site was from him. I mean, really, there isn’t anything racy in my posts to warrant anyone else hiding their ass from me. And yes, my stalker uses the computer at work…conveniently located in the same building as a police department. Hmm. AND, when I blocked IP addresses from those few I knew for sure were him, he went into a crazed frenzy trying to get onto the blog. Glad to know I’m not the only one learning the ins and outs of internet stalker hunting!

  18. I am finding this post rather late! Thanks to my own web analytics, I saw this post as a link that somehow ended up on my blog. I nearly howled with laughter at your post, not because I find it funny you must deal with no-life cretins like this, but because I had nearly the identical thing happen to me. My boyfriend’s ex-wife and her doltish family left me “anonymous” comments on my blog, also stating in part how much they don’t care what I say (oh, how they wish that was true!) A quick review of IP addresses and I had them nailed: the loser ex-wife who lives at daddy’s house and interestingly enough, her father’s place of employment.

    Seriously…how do so many people end up with such nothings for lives and so much extra time on their hands? And can they come do my laundry and clean my house with all that spare time?

  19. Carol says:

    OMG, sounds like she is really obsessed about you….anyway, try not to talk about her much, because that is EXACTLY what she wants!! More and more attention. I bet she has a fantasy about how you envy her, and how hard you wished your ex-husband back, and how your children actually wished she was their mother….These people live in a world inside their heads.

  20. Hatboro Mike says:

    Wow … I just can’t imagine having to deal with such an obsessive “other woman (man)”.

    Sounds like your ex really did a job on you. He’s the real creep in all this. Marilyn comes off as extremely insecure … probably with the knowledge that whatever-his-name-is could very well end up doing something similar to her.

    Not a good place to be.

    Best of luck with 2.0!

    • Thanks, Hatboro Mike — he definitely did a number on me, but I have to admit to feeling better off for it all. After all, had he not done what he did, I may never have known his true character…and what I really wanted in life. I’ve had the chance to discover so much in my 2.0 version.

      Thank you SO MUCH for reading!

  21. Honestly, and I say this with all due respect, just from this post, you both need to stop. If you are truly over this, reacting to her flaming will only make you look immature. (And it probably wouldn’t help your case in court.)

    She obviously does care on some level what you say or she wouldn’t keep reading your blog to keep tabs on you. You would fare best by just deleting her comments and not engage her. I can’t speak for you personally, but I know interactions like this make me anxious (like you said, anticipating as you squint at the comment, ‘will it be nice or nasty?’ etc etc.

    Like you said, focus on your reinvention; anger and hostility, or even TIME WASTED THINKING about John and Marilyn are no longer part of the “new you!” Good luck!

    • I absolutely appreciate the comment — and while I disagree on some levels (I have taken the high road this entire time, yet I cannot abide by continued hypocrisy), I definitely respect your ability to express your opinion.

      Definitely onto bigger and better things in my v2.0 — thank you for the luck!

      • :D Good!
        I saw something you said in a reply where you mentioned your kids being with them half the time. That does make it harder to write them off. It is sad when children are involved and hurt by petty behavior.

        • I absolutely respect your right to offer insight, and I can even see why you might make the assessment you did — in the context of only reading one post. But trust me, there have been so many, many MANY issues — sometimes subversive, but most often blatantly disrespectful — even to the point of telling my kids hateful, petty things about me. A mom can only take so much, and I do hope you can understand that. This was by no means an isolated circumstance, but rather, IMO, a protracted campaign designed to undermine me and my children, which is unacceptable.

          I protect my children from my feelings, and I don’t disparage/talk about their dad/step mom at all…but there is a great need for “society” to understand that this goes on, and in fact that it’s somewhat common. And there’s a great need for people who are experiencing similar situations to know that they’re not alone.

          Thank you again for reading and offering your perspective!

  22. Heather says:

    Hey, I’ve just stumbled onto your blog when trying to research how to deal with nutso bio moms (no offense). I seem to be in the same predicament you are in except the stupid one is my little girls’ bio mom. I just heard from my DH last night that over the phone his ex called me trash and I have to take my SD to the exchange tonight and really want to rip her throat out… I have found your blog extremely refreshing and the laughter it brings me at Marilyn’s stupidity and obvious lack of self-esteem has helped me regain my balance today and I have subscribed to your blog to keep me sane :) My DH and I have majority custody of our daughter and even he has said that her bio mom is just that… a bio mom and a weekend babysitter (who doesn’t even babysit; instead she passes her off to her own mother one of her two sisters or one of the last friends, who haven’t realized that they are just being used for babysitters). I do a lot of the care for her and I honestly consider her to be my own especially considering she tells me every friday when I have to drop her off to her mom’s that she would rather stay with me and her dad. All of the things I could share with you are too numerous and I honestly could start my own blog filled with crazy stories, but unfortunately I don’t think I could bring any readers to giggles and cheers for my cause the way you can :)

    Stay strong, and I look forward to reading your blog!

    • Well, Heather: Welcome to you, and I’m so glad you can present the other side of this story — the side of a step mom who actually cares deeply and clearly has the best interests of her step child at heart. As the bio mom on the opposite side of this situation — dealing with a step mom who is nowhere near that — I say “thank you.” Seriously. You represent what step moms should be, based on your description.

      I wish you all luck in this situation — I certainly can’t understand a bio mom who would decide to be a weekend babysitter for her precious children. I have fought so hard for the limited time (50%) I have with my kids…hearing about moms who don’t even appreciate it makes me a little sad.

      Again, thank you for the comment — and for sharing your story, if only just a bit. I hope we continue to see you around here and learn from your perspective!

  23. J says:

    Mikalee — I read this post a couple of months ago and when I re-read it today the similarities in our blog stalkers is amazing. Here’s what mine did, though…she contacted my ex-husband (a man she would have no reason to know — hell, I’VE never even met her!) and fed him some serious info about my blog. Lo and behold, he threatened to sue me for defamation and VIOLATING MY DIVORCE DECREE for writing things about him and his fiancee. As you know, if it’s TRUE it’s not defamation. If it’s under a pen-name and no real names are used, his concern is based on the fact that the kids might read it. Well, given that my blog stalker actually force-fed her child my posts (sick), I guess that’s the advice she’d give him. So I shut them all down. Now we’re going to mediation because he wants to limit my blogs and Twitter accounts to be “private.” NO!!!! He can’t put the kids in the middle, undermine me, play hard and fast with the decree then cite ME for violating it.

    A couple Qs…where is the protection for bloggers who are stalked? Mine has attempted to interfere with my business and get me in trouble with my city. She has now revealed to my ex what a horrible person I am, which is causing me to spend oodles of dollars to mediate and defend myself. I’ve kept very good records (using my best friend as well — whatismyipaddress.com) and can document all her bad behavior. But it doesn’t quite qualify as stalking since I’ve never met her and she never directly contacts me…and it doesn’t quite qualify as harrassment because she hasn’t been successful in her bids to mess with my world (the most recent potential lawsuit notwithstanding). I can’t get an attorney, the ACLU, an organization that helps victims of harrassment, or even my local police to give me any guidance. Zip. But I can’t believe that I’ve given up all my rights to security and safety simply because I blog. Why would anyone do it then?

    Signed…Working on a Book Instead of Blogging

    • This is an absolutely CRAZY story. Like bat-shit crazy, my blogging (now book-writing) friend. Ugh.

      I’m at a loss as to what to even say in response…and it takes a LOT to make me speechless! So you don’t know this woman, and nor does your ex? Wouldn’t it be harassment if she’s contacting people and “reporting” you? Wow. Just wow.

      I also believed whole-heartedly that the First Amendment protects bloggers. But that line is becoming more and more blurry. I can honestly say that in my case, if my ex had pressed the issue any more than he did with our judge, she may have ordered me to stop; however, I would have thrown EVERYTHING I had at that — my life savings, my credit options, etc., because I firmly believe this is a First Amendment issue, and what I’m saying is NOT libelous. It is true, therefore it is not defamation.

      I can’t believe even the ACLU won’t help in your case. That’s shocking.

      I do hope it all works out for you. I’m so sorry for the craziness —

      Keep us posted, ok?

  24. Aimee says:

    I was researching co-parenting when I found your site. Love it! I had to do my own online “to catch a stalker” research as well when my kids’ “Other Mother” (yes, that’s a Coraline reference they use too) kept emailing me under my ex’s account. I had to vent because I feel your pain. It’s frustrating when you have insecure, power-hungry strangers walk into your children’s lives and tell you what’s best for them. Your children are 50% you and I’m sure you raised them just fine before the all-knowing stranger graced your lives with their presence. It’s a control issue and they use it as a short-lived self-esteem booster and conflict starter.
    The lady from this article reminds me so much of this Marilyn character (and surprise! People didn’t like her much, either).

    http://news.yahoo.com/blogs/cutline/vogue-article-mom-7-old-daughter-weight-sparks-175546979.html

    By the way, I’m pretty sure I found your Parallel Parenting buddies and trust me, you definitely traded up and he definitely traded down, like way down… BTW, does Brett have an available brother or cousin? :-)

    • Wow, Aimee — just wow. You have encapsulated in one comment all that I wish I could say in most of these posts. Sadly, my posts average around 2,000 words, while your comment was about 100! Nicely done — seriously. Your assessment of what drives these “others” is spot on, and I’m so glad you stopped by and left this comment!

      I sat reading that story you linked to with my mouth hanging wide open in disbelief. There are no words…

      And yes, I’m sure you found her. Thanks for the observations! But alas, unfortunately, Brett’s only brother is married… ;)

      Best of luck to you with your own stalker initiatives — and I do hope you come back and visit often!

  25. The Guat says:

    Again I know you’re in a better place but all I have to say to the place you were in back then is Wow. This was a hilarious way to spin things around. Awesome for you and suck-ass for Marilyn. But sometimes Karma is a bitch.

  26. Pingback: Fighting the Darkness: Breaking the Power of Narcissists | Nyssa's Hobbit Hole

  27. Pingback: Fighting the Darkness: Breaking the Power of Narcissists | Nyssa's Hobbit Hole

If you do not leave a comment, you will further shatter my already broken spirit. If you can live with that guilt, so be it... ;)

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s